Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone! So, I get a text from W yesterday. Instead of a happy birthday, she sent me a long list of things her lawyer wants from me! It was a fairly long text that ended with "By the way, happy birthday". Par for the course. I have noticed that W seems to think that she can't say anything nice to me. If we are talking and she says something nice, she gets this funny look and adds something nasty or insulting. It's like she is trying to be mean, trying to be sure to stay on the offensive. God forbid she allow herself to have any good feelings when it comes to me. That would just confuse things. IMO this is why when you have an MLCer that has become convinced that D is "The Answer" it's so hard to stop them. This is just an observation. I'm getting sort of like Goat Gal in watching and documenting W's actions. She doesn't act at all "normal" when I'm around. I have watched her start to smile and suddenly get this strange look like it just occurred to her she isn't supposed to be happy and go from a smile to looking like she just ate a giant roach in an instant. I think it's because she can't allow herself to have any good feelings in regards to me. That would go against the notion that I am the cause of her bad feelings and she can't allow anything to contradict that. Pretty much makes any kind of R impossible. I wonder how long she will do this...maybe forever. Or maybe she will come back out of the fog someday, who knows?
I have given her what she wanted. I stay almost totally dark. I don't ask her for anything. I don't ask her what she is doing or how she is doing. Apparently that isn't enough to show her that I'm not the reason why she is so unhappy. All it does is push her forward in getting a D since just me not being there isn't enough, she needs to think that a piece of paper saying we are D'd will do the trick. I only say this in hopes that some of those here that have S's that are hell bent on getting a D, who see that as THE answer, can start to see just how important staying out their way is. If I had it to do over again, I would have just stepped aside and let her go from the start. The longer she stuck around post B-day, the worse her feelings about me and our M became.
As for me, I'm trying my best to keep my mind busy. I fight depression every day, anger comes and goes. But I have slowly been coming to terms with my sitch. I can only imagine what it must be like for people who have no idea why their H/W suddenly went haywire and ended what they thought was a good M. It must be hell. I'm so looking forward to the day when my life gets simpler. I will say one gift I have received from the hell of the last couple years...the things I thought were "problems" were NOTHING! Once I get through this the normal day to day things that I "thought" were so bad will be nothing. At least I have that going for me!
