Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #6

[HPoirot]

Thanks Bravo. I hear you and agree I have to step away emotionally. I think something is really wrong with my W.

Basketball game was fine. Just gave W a hello. Didn't sit together again. No problem.

Game was fine. Boys team barely lost. He played a better game. Made some good defensive plays. Made a steal and almost made a shot.

He made some mistakes, though. And he focused on those.

At the end of the game... he was down again. He walked away from his mom. She looked stunned that he did. I told him to not do that. She tried to talk with him but he didn't talk. I put my arm around him, said see you later to W, and we walked away from her. She stood there with that stunned look on her face.

On the drive home again S12 was talking about how he didn't play well. How horrible everything is. Full of sadness. We talked. I told him about thinking positive thoughts. How your thoughts become real for you. No good.

W called on the drive home. I answered businesslike. She asked how S12 was doing. As he was sitting there, I said he was OK. She said... "I thought he had a great game! But he seemed mad at me. I didn't do anything. I don't know why he would feel that way."

I let that slide right off me. No reaction from me.

I said we're fine... we're almost home. She said ok... she would not call him. I said OK. I hung up.

S12 kept talking. I did not fight him... just repeated what he said back to him. Making sure he felt heard by me. I did have to stop him after a little while... tell him he was special... a good boy... there's nothing for him to fix... I'm here and I'll take care of him... nothing is his job or his fault... we have a lot to be grateful for... we love his mom... we'll be OK.

He's in the shower now. Singing like he always does. He's always better after a shower.

W just called again. Asked about s12. I paused... then told her the truth this time... that he's very sad... that he was not happy with his game.. that he said he's useless... that he says he can't fix anything... that I'm talking with him... the usual I said. She should know. I said it businesslike. No judgement. Just the facts. No expectations.

Her voice broke. Sounding very sad she just said... "Thank you HP. I'm on my way to my aunt's. I'll be by to pick him up in the morning." I said OK bye. I hung up. Businesslike.

No defending herself this time. No blaming me. No cursing me. No attacks. No denials.

No expectations from me that her sadness meant any of this is reaching the person I used to know.

She will drive S12 to NYC tomorrow for a hotel overnight and to see the sights. Something we always talked about doing but never got around to. I really hope they have a good time.

Monday W will visit with my IC to tell her about s12.

Tuesday S12 will start seeing my IC.

Just keep going.