I thought everything was okay.....(Part 3)

[TLEE86]

I really, really wish you would let go of your expectations regarding your W's behavior........You give her all that power over you.

I 'expect' her to act a certain way, because in my mind it gives me comfort that my W is still inside this shell of whatever she's doing right now.

Im curious MCS, save your W telling you she loves you and wants to make the M work, how do you want your W to act? What would you like her to do? Just be friendly around the kids?

Maybe that's what I'm fighting, that I don't want her.....and I won't admit it to myself.

Do you really not want her or are you just saying this? Ive said sometimes I just wish we would just figure this out and if its a D, then its a D. But in reality, thats really not what I want at all. Don't say stuff you really don't mean.

I'm a religious person and marriage is not a contract for me, its a commitment and a covenant. She's treating it like a contract. If it was a contract and I saw her for who she is right now, and I didn't 'expect' her to change or snap out of it, I would cancel the contract. Even the covenant of marriage, I have due cause, but I've been holding onto the fact that I still love her as the reason that I'm still here.

Kinda along the same lines, but are you just in it because you're religious and you don't feel like you should break this covenant? Or are you in it because you really love your W, would do anything to make this work, and are working on yourself for you?

She doesn't love herself and she's trying to find how to get it. If I keep that in my mind, it keeps me going.

So keep this in your mind, and keep working on yourself. Continue that PMA. Have your goal in mind and work towards it.

Keep your head up MCS, here for you!