Thank You DB posters!

[25yearsmlc]

Raliced,

Thanks for the shout out. This note and a wacky thing that happened this morning are intertwined weirdly. First, about DBing.

This site, this online "place" was a virtual home to me some years ago. I was like a diabetic with insulin, in that I felt I could not survive without guidance and support HERE.

I had a very good therapist. I want to be fair and admit that up front. He was helpful; he was supportive and insightful. He was solution based (liked DB books, btw) and I'm so grateful he was in my life then. He liked h, too. So it was the only MC that H ever went to voluntarily.

Nonetheless It was my DB coach who was an honest to God, Godsend in my life. Absolutely who I needed at absolutely the right time I needed her.

I jotted down her "Gems of wisdom" and tweaked them to fit me and my situation as it evolved. I carried those notes around with me for at least a year. She showed me that I could change pieces of myself if I wanted to. The growth wasn't linear but it was real and it was lasting.

Changing me meant changing how I interacted in a 2 person r, aka my "marriage." And changing me meant changing our marriage.

I know, I know! It' s all So obvious NOW! But I'm telling you back then,

I came here to fix him!
And it was about How I could change h. How I could "get him to see!!"
To see my truth, my perspective, to awaken him.

Instead, Div Busting, my coach, this site, changed ME.

I looked at MY soul and at MY heart, not h's. I did a lot of digging, which eventually got braver. I could only do that b/c here, people were safe. People supported me/each other on our journeys. I read somewhere that "the real journey in life is an inward one." - So true.

When people talk in depth about their spouses, it CAN be with empathy. But I like to remind them of that "real journey" (within) b/c that's the journey that always always bears fruit.

This morning I came upon an old post of mine, circa 2006. What an earnest angry struggling w I was! God that was hard to read!

I Really wish I could go back in time and cut out that YEAR of my life, a year I'll never get back. The "Year of asking questions with no good answers".

Questions such as "Why???" and "HOW Can he??" Talk about a cheese less tunnel...and I asked it about a thousand times! Literally! So foolish. Fortunately it was about then that I began working with my DB coach...I think I had about 15 sessions!! Hey, it's WAY WAY cheaper than divorce.

Moving on...to the men who post(ed) here, the men who helped me tremendously, who reminded me of how many good honorable men are out in this world, at a time I very much needed to be reminded, to all of you,

I say Thank You.

Was2sad, "faithisbelieving (aka "FIB"), Jack3beans, faithful husband, Bond (different name back then) --and others I'm unknowingly omitting, I thank you.

You will likely never know how valuable you were/are. Yes You are great catches, i.e. men only fools would leave. I owe you more than I can say but if we ever meet, I hope a cigar or two will suffice as a token of my gratitude. Heck, my h ought to buy you all a box! Little does he know what "friends" you have been to him.

Many of the DBers I've met in real life have become real friends in my life. I'm so grateful for that as well. So blessed. Talk about growth and support!!

These people are damn heroic. Valeska, KeepGoing, Needsgrace, Veraprado, Labug, Brandnewday, Breakaway/Sandi, BaseballAnnie, Holly06...

Happily, I must say there are too many to list! But I thank YOU too.

I hope some of these ^^ fine people, some of whom have reconciled but have not returned online, might someday.

FYI, some WASs are not comfy with their LBSer continued relationship with DBing. There are some understandable reasons for that. (Plus, it's hard to go back to the darkest time in your life & reach out, or it can be.)

I know at least 3 people who reconciled, but don't post here anymore. And many who divorced and are plenty happy in their new lives. That is often due to Div Busting's philosophy.

So we have to remind ourselves that just b/c we don't know where someone is, does not mean they divorced.

So in sum, my dear new friend "Raliced"

(and do I dare ask if the screen name has anything to do with lice?)

I'm saying to you, right back atchya.

Oh, & Keep posting!
((( )))

[NH115]

Thanks for including me Raliced! This isn't a community I would have chosen to join but I'm so glad I found it. So many people have helped me keep my sanity and my focus as I've struggled in my sitch. I know I'm leaving out a few, but special thanks to Wonka, Little, Sandi, Starsky (I know I've tried your patience on occasion), and Vanilla. I can't forget my Arkansas friend Dawn70 either. I'm sure I left off a few. That's my fault, not yours.

I appreciate everyone who's taken the time to read and post to my threads, whether it was words of cheer or a 2x4. My sitch is far from over; one thing I do look forward to is keeping up with my DB tribe. You're a big part of why I'm able to face my new life with courage, whatever form that life may take.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Raliced. Like others, this wasn't exactly the group I dreamed of joining..I always fancied myself as a Broadway performer:)

It has been and continues to be a struggle. Occasionally, I read threads and my heart sinks, and then I realize that person will be okay. It's difficult to read some of these, particularly when you can literally feel their pain.

Many wonderful, supportive people here who have graciously offered advice, support, and the occasional, well deserved bop on the head. I need those from time to time. Thanks to the vets and newbies:-)

[Maybell]

Thank you Raliced for starting this thread. I echo you and URWorthy, with particular gratitude to Labug and Betsey.

[raliced]

So in sum, my dear new friend "Raliced"

(and do I dare ask if the screen name has anything to do with lice?)

Eeeww... No, although unfortunately I am fairly knowledgeable about the subject since my oldest daughter brought home a case from daycare that took 4 months to get rid of. Fun fact, 70% of head lice is this country is now resistant to medication.

My midle name is Alice and I just threw some other initials around it.

Thanks for the thoughtful post!

[TenBook]

Great thread!

[Train]

OMG! Y'all are making me freaking CRY!!! And *I don't cry*!!!!

Stop that right now!

[lost18]

Love this thread!

[labug]

I just happened on this thread. Accentuating the positive is always a good thing.

Thank you for the acknowledgement. I enjoy this community of seekers. I see the strength in people when they are sometimes at their lowest point and witnessing them gather that strength and rise is so affirming, not of me, but of the power we all have if we choose to find it.

uR, Mach1, cat04, 25, Accuray (sometimes known as Accuracy), Cadet thanks for pushing me to plum the depths.

From the archives robx, Coach and The Greek, bustorama and starsky in the puppydog days.

There are a lot of people who were in my "group" at the beginning and many of those I still have a relationship with. They were just as instrumental in my growth and continue to be. Many still read here, so a shout-out to them.

I continue to come here for selfish reasons, I learn something about me every day.

The only journey is the one within~Rilke

[SunnyB]

Rallied, this is nice. Thank you for being so positive and bringing a smile to my day.