Strong EA after 2 yrs M #2 - The journey begins

[Complex]

I never mentioned and I don't know if it's televant but I completely screwed my last girlfriend over. I was with her five years and had an affair the last year and slept with other women. I was a very bad man and completely off path.

The love for my wife put me back on track. She saved me. And she still does....

It may be relevant. Why did you cheat on her, and why so much? I mean, if it had only happened once in some unique situation, it MIGHT be more understandable.

But it sounds more like it was a repeated choice you made, a pattern.

What did you tell yourself then, while you were cheating? How'd you justify it?

How'd your wife "Save" you? How can she "Still" save you? From what?

If you could be forgiven, can she?

Finally and maybe most importantly, What, if anything, did you learn about yourself?

I basically wanted to quit the relationship with my ex. But I was a coward and instead telling her I cheated.
What's happening to me now is similar to what I did to someone else. And I probably deserve it. Things come back to you.

My wife opened my heart for love and trust again. And I wanted to do things right this time. The commitment felt awesome. I wanted to save myself from my life I was unhappy with. I felt like the luckiest man in the whole wide world. I wanted to live values, have a partner, a family.
But I gotta say we developed our love in the beginning too. For me though it was love at first sight. I've never seen a prettier smile in my life yet.
She always tells me we found what we needed and wanted in that moment and that our love was only romantic. There's truth in it.
But I feel like I still wanna do things right and love her. I fell in love with her. Romantically. Then we failed to transit after the honeymoon phase. Communication had leaks. That's where all my regrets are coming from too.

Ha, I hear myself talking like I'm at the therapist already
I clearly think to much and overthink things. Life should be fun.