Thank You DB posters!

[25yearsmlc]

Raliced,

Thanks for the shout out. This note and a wacky thing that happened this morning are intertwined weirdly. First, about DBing.

This site, this online "place" was a virtual home to me some years ago. I was like a diabetic with insulin, in that I felt I could not survive without guidance and support HERE.

I had a very good therapist. I want to be fair and admit that up front. He was helpful; he was supportive and insightful. He was solution based (liked DB books, btw) and I'm so grateful he was in my life then. He liked h, too. So it was the only MC that H ever went to voluntarily.

Nonetheless It was my DB coach who was an honest to God, Godsend in my life. Absolutely who I needed at absolutely the right time I needed her.

I jotted down her "Gems of wisdom" and tweaked them to fit me and my situation as it evolved. I carried those notes around with me for at least a year. She showed me that I could change pieces of myself if I wanted to. The growth wasn't linear but it was real and it was lasting.

Changing me meant changing how I interacted in a 2 person r, aka my "marriage." And changing me meant changing our marriage.

I know, I know! It' s all So obvious NOW! But I'm telling you back then,

I came here to fix him!
And it was about How I could change h. How I could "get him to see!!"
To see my truth, my perspective, to awaken him.

Instead, Div Busting, my coach, this site, changed ME.

I looked at MY soul and at MY heart, not h's. I did a lot of digging, which eventually got braver. I could only do that b/c here, people were safe. People supported me/each other on our journeys. I read somewhere that "the real journey in life is an inward one." - So true.

When people talk in depth about their spouses, it CAN be with empathy. But I like to remind them of that "real journey" (within) b/c that's the journey that always always bears fruit.

This morning I came upon an old post of mine, circa 2006. What an earnest angry struggling w I was! God that was hard to read!

I Really wish I could go back in time and cut out that YEAR of my life, a year I'll never get back. The "Year of asking questions with no good answers".

Questions such as "Why???" and "HOW Can he??" Talk about a cheese less tunnel...and I asked it about a thousand times! Literally! So foolish. Fortunately it was about then that I began working with my DB coach...I think I had about 15 sessions!! Hey, it's WAY WAY cheaper than divorce.

Moving on...to the men who post(ed) here, the men who helped me tremendously, who reminded me of how many good honorable men are out in this world, at a time I very much needed to be reminded, to all of you,

I say Thank You.

Was2sad, "faithisbelieving (aka "FIB"), Jack3beans, faithful husband, Bond (different name back then) --and others I'm unknowingly omitting, I thank you.

You will likely never know how valuable you were/are. Yes You are great catches, i.e. men only fools would leave. I owe you more than I can say but if we ever meet, I hope a cigar or two will suffice as a token of my gratitude. Heck, my h ought to buy you all a box! Little does he know what "friends" you have been to him.

Many of the DBers I've met in real life have become real friends in my life. I'm so grateful for that as well. So blessed. Talk about growth and support!!

These people are damn heroic. Valeska, KeepGoing, Needsgrace, Veraprado, Labug, Brandnewday, Breakaway/Sandi, BaseballAnnie, Holly06...

Happily, I must say there are too many to list! But I thank YOU too.

I hope some of these ^^ fine people, some of whom have reconciled but have not returned online, might someday.

FYI, some WASs are not comfy with their LBSer continued relationship with DBing. There are some understandable reasons for that. (Plus, it's hard to go back to the darkest time in your life & reach out, or it can be.)

I know at least 3 people who reconciled, but don't post here anymore. And many who divorced and are plenty happy in their new lives. That is often due to Div Busting's philosophy.

So we have to remind ourselves that just b/c we don't know where someone is, does not mean they divorced.

So in sum, my dear new friend "Raliced"

(and do I dare ask if the screen name has anything to do with lice?)

I'm saying to you, right back atchya.

Oh, & Keep posting!
((( )))