Shocked by W

[Nettles]

Gathered from my counseling sessions for PTSD: My insecurities. Undervaluing my worth. The constant feeling of shame for what I did on deployments. They led me to think I was unworthy of the life I was living. To hide how I truly felt, I attempted to maintain the persona of the husband I used to be prior to my commissioning and when I failed, I lied.

I'm sorry you had such a difficult deployment. I can't imagine what that must be like. First and foremost, you have to address this for you. You have to love you. And it looks like you are working on it. Way to go!

DR has taught many great things about M. Especially, the M map. I have adopted many principles learned from DR. Its' a shame I didn't stumble on it before my separation.

You have DR now and you are learning. Onward!

To answer your question, my W knows me best. Any changes I have made to myself, she assumes its for her or R and are not permanent. However, I still monitor the results but no changes. At first, I thought I must have been missing the small signs. But, I did not want to confuse kindness for a sign she is willing to work towards R. I do take into consideration that she is now comfortable around me now.

It is still early in using this stuff. They like to say ACTIONS not words about changes here. Be consistent and show they aren't temporary. Marathon.

Caveat: If I had to describe her attitude towards me, it would be of a person who is content. I do not see any emotional struggle with her decision.(Might be because she doesn't see or feel any consequences for her decision.)She treats me a level below of being a friend. I am not called for anything else except for when it comes to the kids.

OK. Good baseline. And don't read in to the 'emotional struggle' too much right now. You said your contact was limited with W, so there is a lot you aren't seeing.

Its hard to know what works because I do not really see any changes in her, but I do notice the changes in me.

Are you changing for the better? Are you turning into the HJ you want to be? If so, keep doing what you are doing.

I want to add because I am considered a liar to her. Everything I say or do is immediately questioned in her mind. Instead of I said something, it is I claim something. I still believe I am not given the benefit of the doubt that I am telling the truth.

This is understandable. Is there a way to be honest with W about some small things? Maybe in doing something with or for you kids? Trust is built, and your previous actions have set W's trust meter to 0.