just thinking about my stich - I am still reflecting on the candelight Dinner date w/ C on Friday and my date on Saturday with my new friend. New Friend is VERY interested and it could lead into someting nice. However, I don't want to give up on C if there is still hope but then if I slow down on new friend she might back off completly too.
good morning odga!!! let me tell you it's good to be home...
i have kept up with your sitch while i was gone, just didn't have opportunity to post to anyone. i was sadden about the announcement about the og
your date with c? i don't know about the other women on this board, but as a woman, i wouldn't just set out a candlelight dinner for any tom, dick or harry. that person would have to be special ya know?
i think c doesn't know where she is. as one who has had an affair (very sad to admit) the excitement of it all is a pure head rush - most of the time it was the excitement that kept me in it rather than the "love" - i hope you know what i mean
if you ask me, i think c is enthralled with the excitement of this og - but still truly CARES for you - do you get my meaning?
one question - does c know about your other dates?
Work on building from the bottom up with your friendship with C. No expectations, one step at a time. Don't rush, you have all the time in the world.
AS for the dates; it's basically up to you. Only you know if you want to keep them going.
I think your X is confused, as my H is. They cheated on us and now they have to forgive themselves. You need to work on forgiving her too. I know when I wrote that letter to my H; I meant every word. I'm working on forgiving him as I now understand the whys of the A.
So set yourself free of the burden, forgive C for the A. they were lacking something, it doesn't mean they are a horrible monster. They are just human. I'm not saying that an A is OK, I'm saying I understand why my H fell. I'm willing to brush off the dirt and rebuild a new R!
I have no idea if my H is still having an A. Sometimes they can't seem to make that step; to let go of something that made them feel alive, even if it was short-lived!
Many positives and a few baby steps; keep up the friendship!
Hi Kitty - glad you are back - I have missed your post
Thanks for your insite into my latest developments.
I agree that C is confused - she has told me that she does not feel she will ever get married again and that OG is not someone she wants to marry. (I know - don't talk w/ C about og - it was in a moment of weakness)
As to my dating - I feel that she does know - told both bookkeeper friend and SIL that when I went out with other poeple I still felt like I was cheating on C.
I do believe she gets some feelings from the OG that she feels she can not get from me but also wants to keep our friendship because "we have fun together" I did give her the idea the other day that I was tired of trying to fight for the R (well I came right out and said I was tired of fighting for the R and that I give up) This was just before she went away for long weekend w/ OG. Then she does the IM the very next day she gets back and ask me over for dinner and then fixes me a candle light dinner and as I leave makes a special statement that "you really looked great tonight"
While I do appreciate the Dinner and the other little things from Friday night - I am not as impressesed as I would have been just two months ago. If this is going to work then she needs to do lots more or I will just work on getting me a GF that I can work on a future with.
I too don't see any negatives from Friday night not only did I have a candle light dinner and good conversation and the parting statement that I really looked good but I did notice that all the mementos were still there and when I was in her bedroom trying to hook up the satilite receiver to her 2nd tv I noticed that my underwear was still in "my drawer".
I agree that she is confused - SIL also told me this and that C has a lot on her plate right now. I will work on me and have fun with dates until she decides - if something better comes along in the meantime - well that is her problem. I choose to be happy.
Forgiving her - Well I have told her that I do forgive her but she has not really asked me to forgive either. I have told her that I believe a Marriage can survive an A and that I wanted ours to work. but right now any movement toward getting back together has to be from her. (Friday is a step in that direction but she has to continue - I am not going to pursue)
Hey ODGA, Im happy for you and it was nice to see you had a nice friendly night with her. I wish that too can happen to me sometime soon. I wish you the best for whatever comes your way and for your happiness!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
