T0324 continued part 4

[Train]

I think I've told you before that some of the things you write, I could have written myself last year. So, yeah, I get the impatience. I get the desire to have answers ... NOW.

But that's YOU. And your H isn't "there" right now. And, unfortunately, you can't control him.

Seems to me you don't have many options. You know you have to focus on you. That's a given. You can either do it while H is around. Or you can kick him out and do it when you're by yourself.

Fact is: it doesn't matter whether he's there or not. The work is the same.

So, which would be better for YOU? Him being there? Or him being gone?

And the truth is: You could TELL him to leave. And he could say no. Then what?

The reason you're sad and upset is because of FEAR ... and because you're still thinking that the work you're doing - and the work ahead - is being done to bring about a result in your H or your M (and you're not currently seeing ANY results, good or bad). I think you're looking for a quick fix or for your actions (or words) to rattle something in your H ... to force him into action ... or to bring about an improvement ... or to get him at least TALKING to you ... ANYTHING. (But do you hear what's going on there? Pretty much everything you're considering doing or saying is all to get something from your H. That means you're still wayyy wrapped-up in him and in being able to control him instead of controlling *yourself* and doing things for *yourself*.)

Expectations: no bueno.

You're fearful and impatient. I get that. But pushing/stressing/grasping is not going to help things. It isn't going to hurry things along. Quite the contrary. It'll stand in the way. (Think of the push/pull dynamic. It's REAL. You push, and he pulls back. You pull back, and he moves forward. You've SEEN this happen with your very eyes. Trust it now. It's the same as it always was. People change. But those dynamics don't.)

Vent here all you want. We hear you. And we're here for you.

Do not rattle yourself, though, T. Give yourself a week - at least - to do absolutely (get this:) NOTHING. Make no decisions. This thing isn't going to work itself out overnight. Your M isn't going to be over overnight. Just sit for a bit. Re-group. Re-center. And do absolutely NOTHING until you figure out what you need to do for your very own life.