Devastated Husband; Need Advice...Part 2

[TLEE86]

I initially came to DB looking for how to save my M, what I discovered is that I needed to save myself first.

I have heard this many times, save yourself first. To be honest, I still don't entirely know what it means. What I come up with every time is that in order to save my M, I need to work on myself, and prove I can live without my W, so that no matter what happens, I'll be ok. I am not there. Sometimes I feel like I am doing ok, but in reality I'm not. C has called me out on this before. That I am going through the motions of living life but Im not really living it. More just...doing what has to be done and hope my W come to her senses. I don't know yet how to change this. My motivation is ZERO to really go and do something just for me. Work continues to just consume me.

Know this: No one is ever 100% responsible for the problems in the relationship. It takes 2 to have a healthy relationship, and the responsibility is split 50/50.

You mission here is to figure out and own your 50%. Her 50% is on her.

I do realize this now. At first I took 100% of the blame. Now I realize, there were things she could have voiced more clearly, or DIFFERENTLY than how she did. DB rule, its insanity to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. I admit I am pretty dense sometimes when it comes to really understanding how W felt. But I recognize that she could have tried a different approach if I wasn't getting it. Her 50% is on her. When this first started, I had revelation after revelation of my mistakes. Now, it seems I don't have as many and just reflect on the ones I already had.
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Lately I have been thinking about something C said a while back. I was complaining that W and I are in constant friendly communication and that she leans on me all the time for support. But nothing is changing. C asked me, why does anything have to change?

Idk really. Im not sure if where I am right now is a good place to be with W. If this is where the marathon really starts. The dust has settled, we are on good terms and talking, and now we just figure ourselves out and see what happens.

I have been feeling for a while...."now what." What happens now. What's the next step. Idk? Is this where the marathon actually begins?

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Work continues to frustrate me. And I am getting more and more turned off by it. It is such a huge part of my life and I have sacrificed so much for it and now it seems I am not getting the benefits I feel I am entitled to. Case in point: I was told the other day I won't take command until almost a year from now. That there are a few people here that will take command before me because they have been here longer. Even though my boss admits that they are not as qualified and is not his first choice. WTF? So basically what you are telling me is that I went to XYZ schools and continuously tried to better myself to give me a leg up, but I didnt even need to go because I don't have as much time in this unit as they did? So why did I even bother to go? Sounds like I should have just came here earlier and I would have gotten command faster because apparently time matters more than qualifications.

Sometimes I wonder if its time to move on to something different. I told myself Id stay in until I no longer was happy, and I am not happy with it anymore. Obviously current sitch plays a large role but at least in the civilian world, a crappy day ends at 5 or whatever time is set. In the Army, it never ends. Grass is always greener?