Requesting support and direction

[Andy125]

Thanks Sandi that makes a lot of sense and I think for the first time I actually understand what is meant by boundaries. I also agree with you previous comment about what I said being kinda weak, it absolutely was. I’m still trying to figure out how I go about addressing this effectively. I will report that one of the results of last week’s conversation is my W seems more driven to move out. Unfortunately it has opened a whole can of worms about splitting up our stuff, but I also found myself saying for the first time last night to my best friend that I think that is what needs to happen right now. I know that some people will say that it’s a good thing that she is still in the house, and on one hand I can see the merit in that. On the other (which I think might be getting into the boundary issue) I feel that I simply can’t tolerate a lot of my W actions anymore. I’m tired of hearing her talk to the OM late at night through the heating vents. I’m tired of hearing her phone bing with his texts etc. etc. etc. all of the things that have set me off and I have posted here. Really I guess I’m tired of feeling embattled in my own home. I know this all means that by no means have a let go. I know I haven’t detached, but I also know that every time I feel like I’m finally getting some place with my own PMA, something in regards to her A gets slapped in my face. I don’t mean to have this be conveyed that I am the victim, I’m not I have let her walk all over me, I haven’t put up any fences at all. So I think this is what needs to happen, some space some room to breathe, room to focus on myself and my kids.

As for when my W moves out, yes the kids will be with me. Part of the Bomb conversation was her stating that she wanted the kids to stay with me. That position hasn't really changed that much, and the only time I see any remorse in her is when child support gets mentioned. I do have a lawyer and about a week after the BD I found out legally what my rights were. As it stands right now it looks like I will have them the majority of the time (placement wise ) but that we will share custody of the kids (the legal decision making aspect of things). Every conversation I have had with my W in the last few weeks, she seems to be operating from the notion that everything will continue as it has been only she will live someplace else. Last Thursday was the first time that I explained to her that that wasn't going to be the case. I explained to her that the morning and afternoon routines were going to change, that on the days that the kids were with me I would take care of the logistics of getting them to and from school. When she said that “we shouldn’t change things because the kids were used to this routine.” I simply explained to her that with her moving out the kids and I needed to learn what the new normal would be. It wasn't necessary for her to come to the house, pick the kids up and take them to school because my new class schedule allowed me to do it. I really wasn't putting it out there as a consequence but just simply as a life if going to change, our family dynamic is going to change, and I’m not going to simply continue doing what we have been doing. Am I wrong in this line of thinking? Likewise on her days off she will have the kids, I won’t be driving up to her place to pick the kids up and taking them to school, that’s her responsibility.