Singing in the Lifeboat

[daring]

Thank you T2- your words mean a lot to me. I have followed the latter part of your sitch and the way you have gone about everything is something to aspire to.

So I sent H a text yesterday about some financial documents. I'm going to post the texts because I think the dialogue is interesting to see. I think he has definitely hit a point of insight ( he realizes a lot of what he has done and the impact),
But I don't think he's fully realized not is he doing the work on himself that is necessary no matter what relationship he's in in the future.

Me: Do you get back tonight or tomorrow?
I'm still waiting to hear from lawyer in FL but need some other documention from you when you get a chance.

H: What can I get doc wise?

Me: Something showing how much you got from your portion of leftover company money and who/what the amount I have to payback is owed to.

H: so you want to formalize all of that ?  I was going to have them remove the spreadsheet almost completely on the next revision once we had the numbers for the house refinance and foreclosure info

Me: Ok you hadn't told me that. I'm open to discussing it all with you but I want to be sure that it's all truthful and accurate. Let's try to talk this weekend if that's good with you.

H: yeah we haven’t talked much about it recently was just waiting for info and then making it much easier and removing all the simple crap and focusing only on the bigger stuff that matters to both of us (as much as possible).  so what did the appraisal come back at? also did I do something to lose your trust?

Me: Appraisal hasn't happened yet. End of this week or early next week.
It's not something specific but the data on the house in FL was just thrown out there without much evaluation and it could realistically be much better or worse than the snippet of info that's available right now. Then in thinking about our conversations on the payback of company money sometimes it seemed urgent ( ie it's to IRS as well as former partner) and sometimes not ( it can wait until 2017 to be paid).
I had no idea you were living off the money from your company and had I known I might have asked for some help with school and nanny expenses all these months. Would have helped me save up more for IRS. You kept it hush hush.
I just feel like I'm in the dark about what everything really is and since you've kept all your finances separate for the last year and a half I don't have any idea about anything.
Mine are an open book- my personal account has been used only as a holding cell for bonuses etc and transferred to the other accounts to pay stuff.
I'm just feeling very unsure.

H: ok fair enough on all topics.  I am willing to listen and respond to all of this as appropriate.  I appreciate all your candor in sharing it with me it helps to be open about what is bothering one another.  I’m wasn’t hiding - I was figuring it out as fast as I could and never really sat down to finalize it properly.  just knew we had a problem to solve and did what I could to solve it.  sounds like there is lots to discuss once we have all the facts together.  I’m happy to do that.  I’ve always tried my best to help out in every way I can along the way (never mind wrong conversation) we’ll talk about all of it soon.  I am sorry that I left you feeling unsure.


So of course when he said have I done something to lose your trust I wanted to say " you mean other than the EA, walking out on me and hurting your kids? No nothing at all". But I didnt. I stuck with the facts at hand.

I find it interesting that everytime I stand up and push back on some things, he backs down.
I'm not expecting this D process to stop, just carrying my clipboard around doing MLC research.