Why I want him back/good things about our marriage - I was comfortable with him, I knew him - he knew me. We have a son, and I don't want to bring another man into his life (even later) and I don't want him bringing another woman into his life (now or later). We made a vow, that we would be there for one another - in good times and bad. We had fun. We shared interests.
Why I know I shouldn't want him back/Bad things about marriage - He put me second to another woman. He broke many promises and our vows before God. He has been very emotionally abusive throughout this divorce - making sure I knew my self-worth was no good. He made comments about me, about my looks, about my family - and would laugh in my face - telling me, I would spend the rest of my life alone - where I deserved to be. He never tried to do what was right, for our son, me and even himself. I wanted MC. He simply walked out, and impulsively filed for divorce without a second thought. He has made sure that we have nothing, or very little. Anytime I ask him for financial help with buying son something (coat, shoes, etc.) I am told No. He took all our money out, and spent it on him and this woman - until it was gone.
I was his doormat. He was manipulative and mentally controlling. My family says, I was like a puppet on strings - and he would fiddle with my strings to get me to do or act how he wanted me to act. If things didn't work out the way he planned, or if I ever tried to stand up for myself - he would, tear me down - by telling me, I had mental issues (and I don't), but I believed him and almost felt like I was going insane b/c I didn't see it - but he swore it was true. This is something I have gone over and over with my therapist, b/c I went to him crying that I was mentally ill - because my husband said so, and I don't know whats wrong with me. It took a month of therapy, just to get it through my head - that there was nothing wrong with me. I was convinced there was. I've never had any kind of mental issues until now. Now, I suffer from situational depression (therapist calls it), and doctors have tried putting me on something to help.
I wasn't a perfect wife, I'm not trying to throw all this on him. I certainly had my fair share of faults. One thing I know I could've done better with, is keeping the house cleaner. He was OCD, and it drove me nuts how obsessive he was about it, and I got burned out on it at times - and sometimes would let the house get messier than I should've (never dirty! But, messy or not picked up all the time). I also struggled with eating out a lot. I am not one who likes to do much cooking, but he knew this before he married me. I made that clear that I wasn't one who did a lot of cooking, I preferred eating out - and cooking at home only sometimes. So, I probably could've been better with that and tried a little harder. I'd say we ate out, about 2-3 times a week (2-3 days out of 7). So, not horrible - but too much.
But - we made it work, and we were happy. We were happy for 14 years living like that. I don't believe, that those 2 issues were what caused this to happen. If they were, it was his responsibility to tell me so - and I would've fixed it - I would've done anything to save our marriage. Why? Sometimes listening to the bad, I don't know why.
