I thought everything was okay.....(Part 3)

[MCS]

So, I'm all over the place right now. Not sure if I detaching or just done. I never replied back to that email since both MC and IC figured out I wasn't being honest with myself. My IC asked why, I flipped back to catering to her and apologizing? I know it's because I'm still fearful of I say how I feel it will push her farther away to just not talking about the kids at all.

I still love her and want to make this work out, but I'm just getting so frustrated with her behavior.

when she asked about what I needed for closure, it was the first time that I saw that she actually was looking outside herself at my feelings. So, I thought she got out of her fog and this was actually a thought through question. Then I found out that she called the MC (mediation) and tried to cancel, and that question was him telling her to do that (like when he told her to apologize to me.).so then that knocked me into thinking she's still in the fog, especially since I now see whatever is going on with OM is not finished.

I guess if I recognized my old W and she still was telling me this is what she wanted, it would be one thing. But what I see is totally different and not seeming to handle any emotionally challenges or conflict at all. At least not in front of me. That's why I'm confused.

She dropped off kids for today and as soon as they came in, they pretty much ignored her. She tried to get their attention and they just didn't seem interested. D4 gave her a quick hug when she asked, but turned right back around and they were talking with me about my trip. W had a box of stuff of mine and just kind of put it down, paused for a second that seemed like she was going to try and get the kids attention again and turned around and left. None of us really even acknowledged she was walking out the door. If I were in her shoes, that would have been pretty tough.