T0324 part 3

[Train]

Great POV, paul. (FTR, I promise I wasn't trying to generalize or stereotype). But now that a man is "on the line," a question: do you think a wayward H - or one who is not showing signs of commitment - is thinking about sex or sexual-attraction in the same way as a man in a committed R (or one who WISHES to be in one)? Speaking in generalizations only, do you think a wayward H views sex the same as the way you're describing above? As a way to feel connected?

T, not trying to change the subject AT ALL from your life. I think this could actually be quite relevant ...

[Cadet]

But it's hard to know we have things we need to discuss... Is he back at ex boss, is he there this week? Why is he late? Is he at his current job or ex boss's or somewhere else?


It's just I feel like at some point we need to address some stuff.
Basically I just want to know if he's at ex boss's.

I'm going to try to continue to STFU

Onward!

I am confused WHY you NEED to know?

I think that you don't need to know,
you NEED to let go of that NEED to know mentality.
That will greatly help with you detachment.

My .02

[T384]

I don't NEED to know. I want to

It was and is still a huge issue. If he can't even tell me where he is - meaning being there at night then I feel it's a problem. I have never cared where he was before because I trusted him. However him going back into the lions den I would like to know.

I think he doesn't tell me because he is afraid to. The same reason why he sends me texts about important conversations because he wants to avoid confrontation

[Cadet]

It was and is still a huge issue.
If he can't even tell me where he is - meaning being there at night then I feel it's a problem.
I have never cared where he was before because I trusted him. However him going back into the lions den I would like to know.

I think he doesn't tell me because he is afraid to. The same reason why he sends me texts about important conversations because he wants to avoid confrontation

You understand that these are all EXPECTATIONS ^^^^^

I agree why should you trust him?

Trust is earned and you should judge him by his actions not his words.

[T384]

His actions show he doesn't deserve my trust.

However - applauding the 1% would include he is sleeping next to me and leaving his phone out.

I am working on letting it go. It suks... It's really difficult to think he's there at night in a place like that with all the bad memories.

I could always drive by and get my answer but I don't want to turn into that person.

So just let it go, don't bring it up and carry on, right?

I was thinking of sending my experimental text- hey H, hope you have a good day.

[Cadet]

I was thinking of sending my experimental text- hey H, hope you have a good day.

As long as you know that it is pursuit.
You can do it without expectations.
And realize that no single thing is going to make or break your marriage.

[T384]

Yes it is pursuit ...

I have tried backing off and it hasn't changed a thing. I was just going to try this for a week or two and see if it made a difference.

I'm really at a loss for what to do. I thought maybe if I sent the text and then GAL without H. Who knows? I don't know what he wants - heIl he doesn't even know what he wants lol

[Cadet]

Yes it is pursuit ...

I have tried backing off and it hasn't changed a thing. I was just going to try this for a week or two and see if it made a difference.

I'm really at a loss for what to do. I thought maybe if I sent the text and then GAL without H. Who knows? I don't know what he wants - heIl he doesn't even know what he wants lol

MHO is when you dont know what to do the best thing is to do nothing.
Sit quietly and the answers will come to you.

DB101 is patience.

You are only 28 years old.

Whats is your hurry?

[sandi2]

Thank you so much for that 25, and the rest of you. Your words are very comforting, and I needed it. You are right, of course, she wasn't ashamed of me. I was mostly speaking out of my own regret. Being the firstborn child, I wanted to always make my parents proud. She was so shocked (and quite concerned) when she found out about OM, but she did not fail to let me know she still loved me very much. We were very close, and I already miss her so much. I am so blessed to have had her.

Thank you all.

[T384]

Fear is my hurry I guess

I'm afraid of another BD. I just want things back to how they were

I know - all wishful thinking.

Enjoying a morning out with my friend and getting my hair done. Hopefully this will help me calm down and figure out what is really best.