Thanks Deb - I always appreciate your imput - and continualy pray for your sitch. (And for your oldest D)
today at Dentist was the temp Crown - not near as bad as the last two visits where they did the Root canal. I have to go back on April 12 at 7am for the parmanent one.
I agree with the baby steps altho I think it is more like the beginning stages of crawling rather than baby steps but at least it is moving forward. and the fact that she said that we should get through the next few weeks (while I get totally off my AD's and she gets through her problems with her business) is a positive - seems that even though the door is closed it is not locked. (maybe even just a crack ajar - hope, hope)
Also she said that Cookie reminded her so much of her other Chihuahua that was killed by a car in front of her house just before we met. (not the same color but same shape, size and even down to the tail having a bend at the same place) She is definitely thinking of mateing them.
When she first dropped the bomb, I told myself that I would give her till her birthday (Nov 8) and if no progress back together then I would move on. There was progress so I gave it till Christmas, some more progress so I gave it to my Birthday (the 23rd) the major setback - or not since being honest and telling me of OG is a positive even tho she retreated some, and now some more positives again. So I will extend some more. (even though I am starting to date and did drop hints that I was dating, and did even tell bookkeeper/friend that I was dating [also told bookkeeper/friend that even though I was dating it felt like I was cheating on her])
Since I had nice contact yesterday, I initiated it, and I don't expect any more contact from her till at least after this weekend, so back to the waiting game. But I do have Cookie to start training at night and do have some dates on weekends to keep me busy. Then also studying for my flight training and the actual flying lessions and I need to start working out more again, (that has slipped some)
Oh -(just jorunaling) one other thing that I just remembered about yesterday - C brought up the question of when I was seeing her counselor again. Told her had appointment on April 13th @ 7pm - I had mentioned to her earlier that I would be open to a joint session w/ counselor for the purpose of staying friends. She did not mention the joint session but did ask about when I was going back. I also did not mention the possibility of a joint session but did think that her asking what she did was a positive too.
Cookie is doing fine - Daughter and grandkids (mine) came over to meet Cookie last night and we had good time. After they left I called a new friend and now have a date for a picnic tomorrow. Should be a nice day too. She will fix the picnic and I now need to find a nice park to go to -
FYI - no contact w/ C since Wednesday night and it seems that she is away for the weekend (with OG) but I did notice when I was there on Wed. that she still had the sticker on the coffee maker that said "I love you, Darling" and both the "Bear with me, I love you" nicnak and the tea bag from the Bed and Breakfast we went to in November, setting by the coffee maker where she makes coffee each morning.
Hi all - Had a great weekend - had a really great time with a new friend on Saturday - went on a picnic at a place called Dauset Trails Nature Center then went on a little hike. Seems she thinks that I am a good kisser.
Sunday I made a batch of Pepper Jelley then went to the airport and just hung out. Did get a nice email from another lady that wants my number - it seems that, if I want, I can find someone to take C's place. That will be her loss. I am not going to close the door just yet but will not put my life on hold either.
Cookie and my cat are starting to get along. Well, not playing together yet but the cat is not hissing anymore.
Don't know if C will call tomorrow or not - she does have an innocent reason to call, (check on Cookie) but I still think she has a lot on her plate for now and does not want to even think about a R just yet so likely will be no contact.
OGDA, Can I be one to continue to support your patient distancing at this point? Accepting her position that a friendship is the only feasible R is crucial AND please keep in mind what that means behavior-wise --that is so very important!
If I could encourage you to still not worry about "discussing the R", I would. (I might have read that wrong, but it sounded earlier that you wanted to talk R? Sorry if I read that wrong!)
Take care OGDA,
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
While I would love to be a friend and for her to be a friend to me - I get the feeling that to her being a friend may mean talking with me about her activities w/ OG. Then she keeps saying that she does not want to keep hurting me so she feels that she can have no contact.
I like doing things with her but when she ends the day with starting to talk about me watching puppy while she goes away for weekend w/ OG it has a tendency to kill my happy mood.
I do talk about a Friendship R and what that means - one friend does not intentionally do or say things that they know would hurt the feelings of their friend. I told her that I felt that what she said those several Sundays ago was done intentionally just to hurt my feelings. She has never denied that statement.
After she made those statements on that Sunday, I asked her what she wanted in a friendship with me and what she wanted me to be to her. after some discussion she said that she had wanted our friendship to work because we had a good time together. (well, I had wanted our M to work because we had a good time together - I did not say that to her)
We will see if she is online today - (just out of curiosity) I will not initiate contact if she is on but I do hope she wants to find out how Cookie is.
Well, coffee is gone and I had better get to work.
PS - also, I got a feeling that she felt that the last time we talked (last Wednesday night) I was really down, (I was some) and she felt that my quiting AD's cold turkey (after on 5 weeks on them) had that effect and that may be why she wanted to know when I was going to see the counselor again (April 13 [also when I am going back to my MD]) and to wait til later to talk about us - Wednesday she had told me that she was tired of fighting for her business and was burned out. I told her that I knew what she ment as I was tired of fighting too. She said well your business seems to be back on track and I said I was tired of fighting for other things. she replied "fighting with me?" and I said no - not fighting with you but fighting for you. I give up and agree with you that it is over. that is when she asked when I was going back to the Counselor and to wait til then.
April 1 is Big B's birthday (1 year old) I found a really nice Birthday card for puppys and this one was for a Chihuaha - Sent it to her house with his name on it.
Have not seen her online either today or yesterday. I have no Idea where she is. Oh well. I do have a date again this weekend but I do need to figure out what to do for a Saturday afternoon date.
last night I could not stay in the apt and just had to find someone to talk with - tried calling SIL but no answer and ended up going over to the church where C use to go with SIL and her H (who is the music director there) found him there working with the church choir on an upcoming easter special and hung around til he was through practicing. then we talked just a bit and I found that he had the neice and nephew downstairs so we went down to pick them up. got a good hug from nephew but when neice finally saw me she took just a few seconds and her face slowely developed a big smile and then she just ran over and gave me a big hug. I picked her up and her arms went tightly around my neck and she seemed to hold on for dear life. We went to the car and buckled them in and then he sat in my car for about 5 minutes and we talked some - told him that I did not want them to get in the middle of C and I but that I just needed to talk with someone for a few and thanked him for listening. As I drove home SIL called on my cell and said she had noticed I called and we also talked for a few. Did find out that they had been watching big B while C was out of town and was expecting her to pick him up later that night so she will likely be online later today. The plan is still no initial contact from me.
Still though, the big hug from niece was very much worth the trip over there. If things don't work out between C and I then I will greatly miss that little girl.
