Originally Posted By: TLEE86
When I say "enduring the infidelity" I mean how long are you willing to put up with the fact that she is having an A, how long are you willing to wait. I don't mean accepting or condoning the A. It is clear that you are not.

I think there is a fine line between being polite and friendly, versus giving her the best of both worlds. She is already in an active A. She clearly wants increased and friendly contact. Yes, I agree there is no benefit to anyone by continuing to respond angrily or ignoring her. But too much friendliness may begin to satisfy her desires.

Im not sure if this is coming off clearly. Basically, at what point will her emotional needs be satisfied by you HP, and just be careful that you don't reach that point because then she will have no reason to change her actions


Hey TLEE. Thanks and yes I get you. I've been trying to look at this from W's perspective.

Yes she says she had an A and says she feel terrible that she did. That it damaged her. She wants to blame me b/c, as she says, I "left her vulnerable to it."

Now that I've left her and say I'm moving on (I need to stop backsliding on this with R talks)... she now wants to feel she's just having a R, not an A, and has no R with me.

Any R I have with her would be a new R. I just have to be in a position to start that if it's ever possible.

So I have to get out of her way... really open the cage... identify and stop any manipulating I'm doing... and get on with my life. Her life may or may not implode on it's own. I can't be the reason her life get worse.

So yes just be polite without, as you say, fully meeting her needs for now.


Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014