Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #6

[HPoirot]

Here would be my advice for now. Be warm and friendly in response to her overtures. Be polite. Listen when she talks but don't engage or argue. Validate and let it go. Respond to calls and texts in a friendly timely manner. Hopefully this will bring you some peace as she will maybe calm down and stop harassing you all the time with a million texts and calls. And then maybe you won't feel so angry and irritated and you can have some peace to work on yourself.

When that calm comes, don't use it as an opportunity to cling on to your WAW and start obsessing on her whereabouts. Use that calm peace and friendliness as an opportunity to GAL. If you don't have to spend so much time and energy avoiding her calls and being angry and fighting with her about not responding to her, and writing on here about your experiences (although I do always read your sitch).. you can use that time to GAL! You need to GAL! And keep focusing on your own happiness and fulfillment.

Thank you LisaB. I'm thinking your advice was the advice I've been getting all along. I've been resisting it b/c of ego. If I'm to do this then I'll have to check that. I'm still searching for that line between DBing and doormat.

I initiated the talk today b/c I know her and I knew my listening to her would reach her. That is what she says she's always wanted... to be heard... really SEEN and understood. I guess that's why she talks so much. Conversation is her love language.

At the same time, I can't be too available. So, like you said, I'll do a little more of the above when she initiates contact. Maybe that will keep things peaceful so I can really detach and feel calm and confident instead of trying to hide anger all the time.

She was crying last night about how I can't ignore her and not talk to her... especially around S12. Not that I can trust her crying anymore. I'm so wary of being manipulated now that these choices are hard.

So me being authentic is polite and calm and upbeat. That's the choice to make. If she's going to be manipulative... that's her problem then.

Tonight, I texted her to thank her for dinner. She replied... "My pleasure! :-)" Noting I still don't trust when she uses exclamation points.

We also texted just now about her picking up 12 in the morning for school. She asked if I would be at the basketball game tomorrow night. I immediately replied yes. She replied OK.

One week after the first disastrous game. We'll see what happens. Maybe I'll buy a new pair of pants for myself.