As someone said to you a few pages back, you are probably getting confused because you have so many great people giving you different advice and it all sounds smart, so what to do?
Do what works.
Re-read DB/DR. All of us giving you our experiences and advice is great and the vets know what they are talking about but we are here because of Michelle. What does she say?
So like you said, trying to be NC was not really working. It was not bringing you closer and it was not bringing YOU peace.
Like someone said being "dark" might bring you some much needed peace but I think it was costing you so much trying to enforce it with your crazy wife. And your son was also suffering.
Here would be my advice for now. Be warm and friendly in response to her overtures. Be polite. Listen when she talks but don't engage or argue. Validate and let it go. Respond to calls and texts in a friendly timely manner. Hopefully this will bring you some peace as she will maybe calm down and stop harassing you all the time with a million texts and calls. And then maybe you won't feel so angry and irritated and you can have some peace to work on yourself.
When that calm comes, don't use it as an opportunity to cling on to your WAW and start obsessing on her whereabouts. Use that calm peace and friendliness as an opportunity to GAL. If you don't have to spend so much time and energy avoiding her calls and being angry and fighting with her about not responding to her, and writing on here about your experiences (although I do always read your sitch).. you can use that time to GAL! You need to GAL! And keep focusing on your own happiness and fulfillment.
Be friendly with her, polite and brief. And then go out and do fun stuff with and without your son!
I feel like it is easier and works better than this constant fighting and stress you are under. I know you are not the one harassing her, but what you are doing is not working. Time for a new plan. Sounds like you are trying it already. See if it works and if so, keep on until it doesn't work any more. Try and assess.
