Hi Mozza, sorry about this. I have a few thoughts.
I totally get that you haven't expressed your feelings of love and sadness to her in a while and have been trying to show you are moving on. I get it. I'm in the same boat. I wonder what my WAH thinks - does he know I am open to reconciliation or does he think I've moved on? Here is the thing, she left you, she went off with OM. She knows it hurt you whatever the case may be. She likely feels guilty even if she doesn't show it. Even if you seem fine and like you are moving on, she still knows what harm she's done. So she probably also worries you still love her and are sad since she was the one who left. Does that make sense? She probably also tries to tell herself that you are doing OK so that she doesn't have to feel guilty. That's all mind reading but basically what I am trying to say (and what others are saying) is that she knows you love/want her.
Regarding this latest development, I think the best thing to do is the DB thing. For me, I would not immediately ask to talk because I would not be able to keep my cool and STFU. I would send an email reply and say something like "thanks for your message, I'll do some research too and maybe we can meet soon to discuss." I don't think I would go into details about stuff like the waiting period and etc. I would NOT disagree or state that you don't want D. I would not resist but not do anything to help it along. Just acknowledge the email, acknowledge the "fact" of D and in a relaxed way deflect it.
Let her respond and lead from there if she wants to go into more details or have a discussion or file. Let her do the work. Don't resist but don't help and offer information. Do get information for yourself!
And you are so right that the waiting period is precisely because many couples cool off and change their minds. Several people I know personally in fact.
Look, she just moved in with OM, right? I'm sure he is giving her an earful about her "still being married". Not only that but she said she wants to go back to her country, so probably is thinking she wants to be officially divorced before that happens. I wouldn't worry too much about this coming so quickly. It makes sense for her to want this NOW. I'd let her go ahead with the process and I bet in a few months she doubts her decision.
Just be cool Mozza and don't worry. Take a deep breath and just reply in a relaxed and casual way.
