Married fast? Too late? Completely stuck :/

[25yearsmlc]

What GOOD does it do? It helps him discern the TRUTH of what's going on, so he can make his decisions accordingly.


Starsky

Starsky, I get that ^^ IF he's going to make the decisions "accordingly".

See If it were me, at this point in my life and with my kids all older, yeah, I'd want to know.

But that's b/c my m is in a place where I'd be shocked to learn of an A. If there were one going on,

and MY perceptions were that OFF (or h was that great of an actor)

THEN my decisions would alter greatly.

I'd be done, and I would not look back. That may sound weird for a DBer.

Here's the paradox of Div Busting... In one respect, it is a way of life and one must always be "awake" in a relationship. I will always treasure that lesson, and the identification of unhealthy co-dependence and anger and resentment AND what it teaches and promotes about forgiveness...

But in another way, for me, it's a one time deal. (I think you know what I mean).

So sure, IF Complex were going to behave differently at all, based on this new info, then figure it out.

But if HIS course is the same, then really what is the point?

And finally, despite DB books saying "don't snoop unless", and despite what I just said,

I DO understand the desire to "know". I'm not sure how "right" or valuable it is, but it is a reality for many.

I believe it's just a uniquely personal choice. Okay Sorry I'm rambling.

I think my real question would be aimed at those who do NOT think an A is a definite deal breaker. (Starsky feel free to answer as well, I'm just ruminating)

So For Complex, and or for those who believe they have their own work to do, and want to do it, AND OR

believe that the affair was a symptom and not a cause of marital discord....

What is it you are looking FOR, when snooping? What is the goal, and what, if anything, would change?