MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

Great post with so many things to digest/respond to... I'll just say that I completely understand EVERYTHING you said in your post. I am working on all of that.

I do know what she says were my issues in our R/M -- none were deal-breakers, but those are certainly things I am working on. She has noticed my 180s, but her response right now is "too late -- where was this person years ago?" She's in rewritten-marriage mode right now and doesn't see all of my efforts over the years to continually improve myself and my efforts to meet her needs... In rewritten-marriage mode she also denies how happy we were together for at least 9.5 years... But, regardless of her current indifference to my 180s, I am going to continue them because I know they are helping me cope with all of this and I feel good about these 180s. When/If she wakes up/makes it through the tunnel, then I will be a different person who is capable of building a much healthier R/M with her or someone else.

We are not legally M, but have been together for nearly 10 years. Up until October she has always considered us married and always referred to me as her W. Not as difficult as a divorce (in terms of time, money, legal actions), but we did put into place a lot of legal documents to create as many marriage-like protections as we could for ourselves and our kids. So there are a few things to untangle... I have requested we do all of this through JC instead of trying to do it on our own at home (because of our inability to communicate very well right now), and this is slowing down the process quite a bit. So I am trying to buy more time this way -- she wants to do everything as quickly as possible and get me out of the house ASAP... So I am trying to buy more time, but I have to be very careful because stalling, or the perception of stalling, only increases her bitterness and anger towards me.

Also -- as for my fun GAL in the upcoming month... Not planning a trip (don't want to provide an opportunity for her to fly OW here to stay while I am gone), but I am planning to get out with some of my friends at least once each week (W can stay home with the kids) to feel their love and support, and have some fun with them.