One thing stuck out at me, in the 'takes one to know one sense'... Your husband said his LL is respect.
You describe him discussing with a contractor, that he is 'spewing everywhere.' Sounds like you are critical here, or don't respect the way he communicates or deals with things (procrastination). Judgement gets in the way of that unconditional love people want to feel. He is probably picking up on it.
I'd complain to my friends in a similar vein. And try to not let H know how frustrated he made me, at least about some things. But he picked up on my attitude about him in hundred of little ways.
My H told me that I would be happier with a man like xy or z a few days ago, people he sees as in a different league. My IC recently asked me if I would ever be able to simply accept him and that is a deep question I need to think through.
Disappointment, frustration, contempt - all that stuff feels pretty unloving to our dear spouses. No matter how perfect the communication, they'll feel it if it's there. So...how to look at it and really get rid of that toxic judgement if it is there? My 2 cents. If I'm way off...apologies.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
