H is running again

[Nettles]

and sheepishly and with a sinking feeling

From now on, it'll be 'accept, learn, apply/change'...

Yes at work.
No at home: I flex the commitment based on the experience as I think my way is general better. Sometimes commitments are kept, but more over I do what I want.

That's a great start Happy! Now, are you able and willing to change that? It won't be easy

I have asked and H cannot articulate doesn't know what he wants.

I fixed that one for you. Give him some time and space to figure that out. H owns his happiness. Right now H knows what doesn't make him happy. Resist the urge to tell him what makes him happy or try to make him happy.

So I just should have validated.

Yup. Who is it around here that always writes "Lose the scorecard. Your S has one too and you aren't doing so well on theirs" or somesuch?

He is really really angry.

Give him the time and space to be angry. Those are his feeling.

I am seeing this in a different light. I have work to do.

Is there a commitment you have made or can make to H and keep? That'd be a cool way to start.