MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

I think you are lucky in some ways cause your W relationship with OW is over the top in some ways that I think it may blow over after this vacation.

That is my hope/prayer as well. I don't think my W will totally be over the infatuation after this trip -- she IS going to be with a 25 year old... But I am hoping/praying that OW realizes that this isn't a healthy situation for herself and that God is working within her and around her to give her someone closer to her age who can give her a real (and more appropriate), loving R.

I am hoping/praying that God continues to work on my W during this trip and that at some point during the trip she does begin to feel some guilt -- to have at least one moment (even if brief) of realizing how reckless this is to leave the country without telling anyone... She just isn't thinking about the risks involved... And a rationally thinking adult with a family would not do something this stupid. Even if she doesn't feel guilty over the A, at least feel some guilt for making the trip under so much deception considering the risks.

When OW does pull away, I completely expect my W to become even more depressed than she is now. I know she will have to experience the grief of that loss, so I have no fantasies of her waking up after that rejection and coming back to me with her tail between her legs. I am completely prepared to see her sink further down before she starts to come back up -- and I expect this to take a long time.

Your W version of this OW is totally a fantasy and it seems unlikely that the OW is completely available to be in a relationship with a W from another country that has 3 kids. (Unless the OW is some kind of scam artist... you never know...)

That's what her mom, step-dad, and brother are so afraid of -- that OW is really a scam artist and that she will be in danger on this trip. Because of how they met online (which I won't go into here because it's a long story), I really don't think this is the case. I do think the OW is real and that she is a sweet, young, inexperienced woman who fell victim to my W's charms. And my W is VERY charming -- she completely swept me off my feet when we met, total love at first sight (for both for us), and I have always continued to feel completely in love with her.

I do think my W is caught up in an escape fantasy... she and OW are "in love" but are not having to deal with the mess of daily life together. My W and I fell in love very quickly as well -- but we did it in person with real life surrounding us every day... That is a completely different experience (more solid) than this fantasy A that she is involved in right now. And the A/OW is much easier to escape to than to stay here and face her own demons and work on us. And working on "us" will be even harder now when/if she emerges from this fog and realizes what she's done to "us." I am working on detaching and letting go with love -- and am willing to welcome her back to work on us at some point in the future... But it's going to be a long process because we will be building a whole new relationship together.

Focus on yourself and your kids. 3 is definitely enough to keep you busy.

Yes -- they certainly are more than enough! But they are great kids -- we've been very blessed to have these 3 wonderful kids. :-)

Do you have any hobbies?

I am an artist so I do have some stuff that I am working on right now, but I also try to play guitar for myself as a hobby. I'm not great, but I find it relaxing. I also feel like it's something that I have to stretch myself to learn (because it's not easy), so I see that as a good thing to be doing. My kids think I'm good -- so I do have a receptive audience of 3 to play to occasionally!

Beyond that I am also reaching out to my friends to try to schedule some dates with friends -- and I forgot what an amazing group of friends I have. They have been SO supportive through all of this -- like amazing, heart of gold supportive. :-)