Riding the rollercoaster

[Hoju]

Ouch Dawgy I feel your pain, what your W did was wrong and there is no excuse for it. However, maybe just for a bit try to put yourself in her shoes, I know it's hard and I was unable to do it until I lived it under different circumstances.

I recently applied for a new job and got hired, the pay is better then my current job and the location closer to home. When I went quit my boss immediately booked a conference room to have my exit interview, he proceeded to beg me to stay offering a more competitive salary, more vacation and saying they would find someone to help offload my work. He claimed he had no idea I was unhappy to the point of leaving. I just sat there listening dumb founded, I've been telling him for years I was over worked and under appreciated. Now even though I'm being offered everything I've wanted for the last few years I still want to leave. They've abused me long enough and it's time for them to pay for it. I'm scared, I'm upset and I'm nervous, what if this is a huge mistake and the new place doesn't work out? What if it's worse then my current job? I remember thinking to myself while being escorted out of the building this must be exactly how my WAW felt.

Maybe this helps you relate, maybe you can think of something similar in your own life where you've been where she is. Your W doesn't want to hurt you, she didn't go into your M hopeing it would fail. She's felt abandoned for years and you've ignored all of her cries for help. Only now that she has a real chance to be happy and is truely moving on is when you want to listen.

I don't mean for any of this to sound harsh as it applies 100% to me as well. If you're done it's ok, if you want to leave the door open a crack for her to come home that's ok to. What you do need to do is take ownership for your mistakes, understand where your W is coming from and forgive her. This hate will only destroy any future you two have of being successful co-parents to your sons.