Matt, Also, take your daughter to some of the local schools and use their parking lots to drive around in. What type of parking tests will she be required to take? The Maryland requires two different types and you'll need cones to help her w/the parking part of driving.
I agree w/Life Twists, a lot of good and fun memories can be made helping her learn how to drive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi LT and job! Funny you should say that as that is exactly what I've been doing. The last 2 times she has been with me we have stopped on the way home from school and drove around in some empty parking lots. This has given D15 a chance to feel comfortable behind the wheel and she really enjoys it. One thing I truly regret is how my D19 never learned to drive. Between 10th grade and her Sr. year she was going through a hard time. She wasn't getting good grades and was acting out. Funny how that period coincides with W's MLC yet W now blames me saying I was "too hard" on her when she was younger. The thing is during this time W insisted that until her grades improved she wasn't allowed to get her permit or drivers lic. We fought about this as I thought D19 should be allowed to at least get her lic., even if she wasn't allowed to drive. In the end I allowed W to have her way and D19 never learned to drive. Now she is stuck without the ability to drive and it is hard on her. With living away from home I haven't been able to help her finally get lic and it's something I really wish I hadn't given my W her way on.
Apparently W doesn't like that I'm driving with D15, at least that is what D15 tells me. D15 said after her mother refused to allow her to take drivers ed "Mom thinks she's only 19 herself. She probably doesn't want me to drive since that would mean she has a D old enough to drive and that can't be right!". Seems Like D15 has some insight into MLC herself!
I will not allow what happened to my oldest happen to D15. I allowed my W to override what I thought was best and D19 is paying the price for that. How W can't see how that stance hurt D19 is beyond me. I guess it's part of her empathy chip being on the fritz. But it is something I can do for D15 whether W likes it or not and that is exactly what I plan on doing!
Thanks for stopping by. Nice to hear from you both.
Matt, If you have a good relationship w/your oldest daughter, you may want to encourage her to looking into a driving school. If she has a boyfriend or a friend, maybe they can work with her to help her gain her confidence and start practicing driving in the parking lots, etc.
When I worked w/my nephew a year ago, we saw a number of young ladies in their 20's practicing in the parking lots. Their boyfriends were helping them. So, it's not too late for your daughter to get her license.
As for your w, she's just plain nuts. Everyone needs to at least have a license. You never know when you may be required to drive.
Continue helping D15. She'll enjoy the experience and you both will have a memory that you can look back on in years to come.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
First, Happy Birthday!! I just had mine a few days ago, and I completely get the idea of a new year, new start, etc. I feel the same this year, turning 50, time to live the second half at volume level "11"
Good for you asking the boss how you can hit the ground running... love that!
This I really like to hear from you:
Quote:
Yes, what she did and especially when and the way she did it has hurt me badly. It has hurt her D's as well. But there is nothing I can do about that now. All I can do is move forward with my life. Be the person I want to be. Be the father I need to be to my girls. Do what I can to minimize the damage that their mother is causing them. Whether my W is ever able to get through this and come out whole is out of my hands. She will either succeed and maybe find some happiness or not. Where I'll be when that time comes I have no idea but I do know I will be happy and I will have a great R with my D's because that is what is important to ME. What is important to W is up to her to decide and to live with that choice.
^^^ That right there is getting to the bacon buddy
New job, new year, new insight.... yeah, coming together nicely.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy Birthday, Matt! I hope this is the best year evah!!!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone! So, I get a text from W yesterday. Instead of a happy birthday, she sent me a long list of things her lawyer wants from me! It was a fairly long text that ended with "By the way, happy birthday". Par for the course. I have noticed that W seems to think that she can't say anything nice to me. If we are talking and she says something nice, she gets this funny look and adds something nasty or insulting. It's like she is trying to be mean, trying to be sure to stay on the offensive. God forbid she allow herself to have any good feelings when it comes to me. That would just confuse things. IMO this is why when you have an MLCer that has become convinced that D is "The Answer" it's so hard to stop them. This is just an observation. I'm getting sort of like Goat Gal in watching and documenting W's actions. She doesn't act at all "normal" when I'm around. I have watched her start to smile and suddenly get this strange look like it just occurred to her she isn't supposed to be happy and go from a smile to looking like she just ate a giant roach in an instant. I think it's because she can't allow herself to have any good feelings in regards to me. That would go against the notion that I am the cause of her bad feelings and she can't allow anything to contradict that. Pretty much makes any kind of R impossible. I wonder how long she will do this...maybe forever. Or maybe she will come back out of the fog someday, who knows?
I have given her what she wanted. I stay almost totally dark. I don't ask her for anything. I don't ask her what she is doing or how she is doing. Apparently that isn't enough to show her that I'm not the reason why she is so unhappy. All it does is push her forward in getting a D since just me not being there isn't enough, she needs to think that a piece of paper saying we are D'd will do the trick. I only say this in hopes that some of those here that have S's that are hell bent on getting a D, who see that as THE answer, can start to see just how important staying out their way is. If I had it to do over again, I would have just stepped aside and let her go from the start. The longer she stuck around post B-day, the worse her feelings about me and our M became.
As for me, I'm trying my best to keep my mind busy. I fight depression every day, anger comes and goes. But I have slowly been coming to terms with my sitch. I can only imagine what it must be like for people who have no idea why their H/W suddenly went haywire and ended what they thought was a good M. It must be hell. I'm so looking forward to the day when my life gets simpler. I will say one gift I have received from the hell of the last couple years...the things I thought were "problems" were NOTHING! Once I get through this the normal day to day things that I "thought" were so bad will be nothing. At least I have that going for me!
I agree with everything you have said about them being driven to D and just standing out of the way.
Keep working on yourself and accepting what you have written for yourself. It will get better. I am one week out now from D day. I feel better. I have had a great pressure removed from my shoulders and can concentrate on what is important. Things have actually improved some. She has actually started to do some communication now with me about the kids. So a small improvement.
You will do fine. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get there.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
