Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD - pt. 2

[gogofo]

Remember when I said not to lose yourself?

Your last 2 posts are about losing yourself.

Bug, I don't understand what you mean by losing myself. Does it have to do with the fear of the change of not being a husband and my W not loving me?

From the post your recommend it sounds like that Feenix let go of all that he thought he had control over. He focused on actively working on himself and his needs and his children. When he did that he felt better about himself and knew he was going to be better on the other side of this, not matter the outcome of the M.

I know I need to focus on myself and leave my W to herself. Letting go of any perceivable control I think I have on the outcome of this is hard. I fear losing my W and the possibilities I see for our R. The dropping the rope, completely, is hard. I could drop the rope with a few caveats, which is not dropping the rope. I stated these above, but that is not what the vets and DB recommend.

The whole concept of "if it is meant to be, it will be" is scary, but I guess it is only scary because I have work to do on myself.

I think I need to a separate bedroom. The physical separation will help me with dealing with myself. I will keep "performing" in front of her if we are around each other. I don't want to be that dancing minstrel.