She just sent me an email asking whether I'm ready to start preparing the paperwork, knowing that it won't be made official until October 1, one year after she left. She says she'd rather talk in person about it, but she'll respect my desire not to meet for now. She's also ok with having the conversation later. She's suggesting that we try without lawyers at first, considering the costs and that we get along relatively well.
Her email is as clear and kind as it gets, under the circumstances. Not much to read into it. She's had four months to think about it and she's used that time to move in with OM and confirm that she wants a D. She's impulsive and she rushed out of here after meeting OM, but I doubt I can blame her D request on impulsiveness. It appears well-thought out.
Now I need to respond. DB says that D is just papers that it's not the end of the R, so there's no reason to oppose. The answer seems to be: "I don't want to D, but if you want it, I won't stand in your way." Right?
I also want to tell her that there's no rush, that I'd rather not start this process now. That I also need to do some research. But the real reason, and I guess I can't tell her, is that there's a one-year waiting period for a reason: in case the parties reconsider their position.
You all know I'm afraid she's leaving me because she thinks I don't love her enough. I've been crying every single day since she mentioned S four months ago and yet I give her the impression that I'm moving on. You all know it's killing me even if I do it and trust the process.
It also kills me that we're moving towards D even though we're really not that bad together and we have two kids. We can't D for bad reasons. There are so many ways we can be better together. She's not there yet and I can't talk her into it. And I don't show her my changes. So we're moving to D.
I'll be thinking of my email response. Support and suggestions welcome. Thank you so much for being there.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
