Ganb8te 4 - Putting on my giraffe ears

[labug]

[b]Labug - "I think it affects you more than it affects me” It’s an interesting phrase and things like tone and context would have contributed to how you heard it. If only an IC fairy could come along and freeze time for us in those moments so that we could figure it out there and then and respond differently! Actually, to me it sounds like maybe H wasn’t validating YOUR concerns (be that in regards to the issue with S22, or more deep seated ones like you mentioned). I’m guessing you have read NVC, so you’ll know that the other side to it is about communicating our feelings and needs in a way that inspires compassion from the other person. Something like “When [X happens], it makes me feel [Y] because I have a need for [Z].” Could you have raised the issue in a different way that resulted in the response you were looking for? Was there an X Y Z in the issue with S22 (not suggesting you need to share, just putting it out there as an idea to mull over).

First to respond to Zelda-no, he's never told me I'm over emotional, that's baggage from childhood. I know that very clearly. Jackal ears, perhaps.

I think at times posters do take too much responsibility. This usually happens before they've learned to detach. When they're white-knuckling it to hold on to some remnant of the R. Before boundaries are recognized.

But we can only fix ourselves, so I need to be honest with myself, but also gentle.

Yes, Gan, I could have used that format. I could have returned to the breath. Yes, a little Pause Fairy would be nice. At least now I realize when I'm in dangerous territory and stop.

I need to ditch those Jackal ears!

Great conversation.