MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

Hold on, it's quite the ride but at least your finances are separate thankfully. Keep yourself safe and protect yourself from any STD's, icky I know but so common with the infidelity crowd.

Did I mention that the OW is a virgin?! LOL! I think that's part of the appeal - my W has some romantic notion of being OW's first... Indeed, the craziness is baffling!

Of course, if this A dies off and she goes into another A with someone else then that certainly increases risks of STD's.

I called her Mom, her sister, her aunt, my mom, my brother and all of our friends. I don't know if it did any good but I felt a lot better about it. Did it push her further into the Affair, I don't know. The Board will be divided on that issue.

I've told her mom, brother, and sister-in-law as well as my mom. However, none of them have told her that they know for certain or even that they are talking to me about all of this. But all of them have questioned her about there being someone else and have based their suspicion on her constant texting and disconnectedness during family gatherings.

Can you make the mortgage/rent and other expenses without her contributions?

Unfortunately, not right now. If I get the dream job then yes, I can make the mortgage payments as well as most, if not all, utilities... Just might be tight with also paying for everything else like gas and groceries... But until I get that job I am s.o.l.

My wife is in month 4 of her A and I don't know how long it will last. Did I mention that affair partner is married and has two little kids and lives in another city, about 600 miles away? Right.... really sustainable..... The AP still lives with her wife (for financial reasons only of course). So my wife gave up a full time family and wife to be a part time side dish to someone who is already married with two little kids. OMG. The craziness is baffling.

Good grief -- that's about as insane as our sitch... My W is "in love" with a 25 year old virgin who has only dated (nothing long term) a couple of guys and had one girl who seemed interested in her but they never took it further than just curiosity... I believe this is well into the third month of this so far, but they "met" (online) a little over a month before they both expressed their love for one another... I even interacted with OW a few times because at first they really were just friends and my W and I even talked about how young she was and how messy the 20s can be because that's when most of us are just beginning to figure out who we are and what we want from life... (Which makes the OW an easy target -- she's young, inexperienced, curious, and not exactly sure about what she really wants or needs from a long-term partner)... And the OW lives not only in a different country, but on a different continent -- so travel is not as easy as if she lived in our city or even a state away. Craziness! Absolute craziness...

After reading the paragraph above I realize now that it is possible that when my W met the OW, my W was probably near the end of the Anger stage, but she was not outwardly expressing that anger at that point. Things were actually pretty good between us at the time. But I can look back and see some signs of the Anger stage beginning last Spring and during the Summer. I think Denial lasted for quite a while with my W -- possibly going back a couple of years... The catalyst for accelerating everything was the sudden and unexpected death of her step-mom early this past May (they were very close to each other) -- that shifted her into a "life is short" mentality which combined with some peri-menopause symptoms resulting in a major MLC which has her acting completely out of character... I definitely see signs of depression through all of this, and as I look back I think she might have actually been having some mild depression over the past few years.