Maybell XXVII

[Maybell]

Today is the birthday of the child formerly known as S6.

So STBX called about five minutes ago. No planning or anything. Just called without even knowing if we'd have already left for school.

I feel sad that he and I don't have anything to say to one another beyond "Is he there?" And "I'll get him." I feel sad that this is the place where all our decisions led us.

The things I could have done differently, I don't think would have led us anyplace different. Though they might have gotten me here sooner. So I'm grateful that this all happened when I was mature enough to cope with it and well-supported in my life. I think, a guy who could say "Well, I had two one night stands" as though they don't count when I've asked him repeatedly how many times he's cheated, the guy who could say "I don't want to be 'that guy'" in the same conversation that he said he wasn't going to get an apartment that accommodates his three children because "moving is a pain" (but the kids and I are supposed to do it ASAP), I don't think a guy like that is marriage material. He'd rather date strangers than think about and fix what led him to destroy his family. That's not marriage material.

FWIW, the housing market here is starting to open up and I'm beginning to see that I have a greater range of possibility and options than I thought I had a week ago. So no worries, I've learned prudence.

I am SO BLESSED in my children, friends, employers, and everything. I wish my STBX were a better person, but that would just be icing.

Labug, the post that got deleted was this past fall when I was trying to find a job. JCred said I needed to quit whining about it and go get one, and that I should assume my STBX was sleeping around and "getting his needs met." As if I wasn't already focused on both those things.

Anyway, that's my update. Hope you all have a great day. Stay warm out there!