Devastated Husband; Need Advice...Part 2

[TLEE86]

What are you doing when she calls and tells you how stressed she is?

I empathize with her and tell her I understand and she has a lot going on but I have faith in her that she can do well in XYZ.

I can't help but wonder if she's looking for you to swoop in and fix it. Her life, your marriage. You. She compares herself and her journey to yours. Her self esteem (or lack there of) seems to be directly tied to you and your life.

Maybe. When this first started, she said she doesn't want my advice/opinion/help. Now, thats all she wants..wants me to "just tell her what to do."

And I had a thought about your sitch the other day at work, but I'm trying to phrase it in my head so it doesn't come off as being a total [censored].

Don't try and sugarcoat anything, I'm a big boy, just tell me. I appreciate your thoughts

Homework for you (as if you don't have enough to do): why does something need to change? Is that's what's best for you? Or the situation? Think more on that.

I also think you're going to have to think hard about your current position. I know that you not be available due to deployment impacted W and your sitch. But, are you ok with continuing to provide the perks of M to her without getting the same? Just something to think about. I'm not encouraging anything, but I think you need to look at the bigger picture.

Because I don't know if what I am doing is making things work towards the M. Idk if I am just giving her the best of both worlds, talking to her all the time, letting her get the perks of M without being M. I am ok with this, if it is working towards the M...It shows I am caring/understanding/good listener- all things I was not the past year. But is this actually helping work towards the M? If you're H came to you for all this...would you give him advice/make him feel better if he is just bawling his eyes out? IDK? This is why I wonder if things need to change, because idk if its working towards the M, or just enabling her.