Thank you Karma12. It's very nice of you to say. I feel I'm changing inside, so it's good to hear that it shows somehow. I comment on stiches where I feel comfortable with the concepts, but there are several where I feel out of my depth and simply don't know what the LBS should do.

I met my IC on Monday. One of our most productive sessions (we had about 15 so far). It seems like I'm 'conflict avoidant'. It is somewhat of a surprise to me because my W and I had lots of fights in the months leading to BD (and in our R, but like most couples, I assumed). I feel I'm one to address the underlying issues head-on, but my IC feels otherwise at the moment. It has something to do with getting into conflicts only when I can predict what will happen, I think.

In any case, it might explain why I have one of the calmest sitches around here. It's not that I lack the elements of conflict: WAW lied heaps to me, she's with OM, she introduced him to kids long before telling me she was in an R with him, she tried to provoke a few fights early on, etc. But I don't see conflicts as productive and my WAW really wants us to be cordial. This is how I got dangerously close to 'gay boyfriend' territory, as Wonka said.

This also probably explains why it's so easy for me to remain silent in the sitch, to not pursue. It's a way to avoid conflicts with WAW. It also jibes with the advice I so freely dole out on these boards, which often leans towards avoiding unnecessary conflicts.

I'm thinking that my WAW is also a conflict avoider, especially as she told me that she didn't want to work on the couple when she left. It was too much energy for her. This is typical conflict avoidance.

I thought I'd chronicle a little of what I learnt about myself, since it relates directly to my sitch. It's amazing how much I've learnt in the last 4 months. I wish I knew that before, but better later than never. Some people get dump and never learn from it. Good on all of us for making the self-discovery efforts.

M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.