Angry WAH blames me for everything.......(2)

[Calibri]

I've been think a lot on what everyone has said the last couple of days. I appreciate everyone who has jumped in and provided thoughts and feedback. I'm churning a lot around in my head. Working a few things out before I post thoughts.

I kind of had a lightbulb moment earlier tonight. Clearing out emails and found one from my H while we were in negotiations for the House I ultimately gave up. I had written a letter to the sellers explaining my history to the house (being my childhood home) and why we were offering what we were offering. I sent it to my H for feedback. And he responded saying it was beautifully written and expressed to the sellers how much WE loved the house and how WE want to make it our forever home. (Those of you not familiar with my sitch, H bomb dropped me two weeks before closing on the house and one of the things he said was he never wanted to buy the house, he only went along with it because it was my dream and not his. To put it kindly.)

And I alternated between seething rage and wanting to sob hysterically on the floor. I'll be honest, my first reaction? I wanted to forward the email to my H and then call him and express my anger of the situation. Express my hurt. I wanted to be heard.

But I took a step back and thought, "well, what the hell is that going to accomplish?" It doesn't bring the house back. My H wouldn't have the conversation and go, "I'm magically fixed I'm coming home!" I thought about it some more (applying my 180 here, STFU and think before you react). And I realized, I'm so quick to express my anger, that in the past I very rarely processed past the anger. I didn't probe the hurt hidden within the anger, I was too busy expressing it. I think I've really deprived myself of some life lessons by not STFU and thinking and digging about why I was angry.

In the end, I'm choosing to think about it. Dig deeper into why I'm angry about the situation right now. Here's a guess, it goes deeper than being upset about giving up a dream.

I guess, in a way, there's a lot more to us than we think. Then we care to look. Especially during "the good times.". It's just a shame that most of us get there/here the way we do.

TL/DR: Calibri applies her 180 and learns a bit about herself.