Argh, that JCred man cave thread is pulling all my triggers. Nothing like being told we have to sit on the sidelines when we know exactly why and how this thread came about. As a "speak out when you know something is off" kind of person this thing is unsettling to me. Certainly seems like some guys are coming forward to express concerns. My guess is a lot of ladies are feeling it to. Totally brings down the atmosphere around here. Not cool!
Right now I feel like I need to pull NC on that thread for my own sanity! Pity it keeps popping up to the top ;-)
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
I'd open a "Spa Day: Ladies Only" thread... but it's way too obvious and not deserving of the time. Plus it would only validate him and that's not useful.
Besides, there are too many cool guys around here that I'd want to invite in and then we're just back where we were a couple of days ago -- happily supporting one another as best we can without regard to gender policing.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Phoo! Just back from my vinyasa party class and feeling good! There were no drums as promised (just a DJ) but we did a number of fun and different things. Like hold each others' sweaty feet while in happy baby pose (picture it, picture it). That's the most intimate thing I've done with another human in a while. Oh...and singing to What's Love got to Do With It while on downward dog. Not sure about everyone else, but that's a first for me. Aaaannnd...I managed 4 seconds of non-wobbly crow X 2!
The lady next to me told me about a yoga class in the park next week. Just put it in my calendar. I was amused to see the iCal entry when I clicked on the link:
Get your OM on at the [location]
I wonder if that's a sign?
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
[b]Labug - "I think it affects you more than it affects me” It’s an interesting phrase and things like tone and context would have contributed to how you heard it. If only an IC fairy could come along and freeze time for us in those moments so that we could figure it out there and then and respond differently! Actually, to me it sounds like maybe H wasn’t validating YOUR concerns (be that in regards to the issue with S22, or more deep seated ones like you mentioned). I’m guessing you have read NVC, so you’ll know that the other side to it is about communicating our feelings and needs in a way that inspires compassion from the other person. Something like “When [X happens], it makes me feel [Y] because I have a need for [Z].” Could you have raised the issue in a different way that resulted in the response you were looking for? Was there an X Y Z in the issue with S22 (not suggesting you need to share, just putting it out there as an idea to mull over).
First to respond to Zelda-no, he's never told me I'm over emotional, that's baggage from childhood. I know that very clearly. Jackal ears, perhaps.
I think at times posters do take too much responsibility. This usually happens before they've learned to detach. When they're white-knuckling it to hold on to some remnant of the R. Before boundaries are recognized.
But we can only fix ourselves, so I need to be honest with myself, but also gentle.
Yes, Gan, I could have used that format. I could have returned to the breath. Yes, a little Pause Fairy would be nice. At least now I realize when I'm in dangerous territory and stop.
I need to ditch those Jackal ears!
Great conversation.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I have a foot phobia so that just sounds terrifying!
I didn't see JCred's deleted post on Maybell's thread but I have to say that in the past I found some of his posts refreshing because they were blunt and sometimes harsh but true.
I think the man cave is hilarious. I don't see any good information on there but I'm not a dude so what do I know (or care). I'd LOVE a thread where the men talk about what goes on in the mind of a WAH and what us ladies can do that works. That would be helpful! I almost posted that in the thread.
I'm volunteering at a music festival. Sold out. 25,000 patrons.
Guess who I just saw?
Sitting by himself but it looked like he was texting with someone - like he was about to meet up with someone. Upped and left and I didn't see where. I think he saw me but I'm not sure.
Unbe-freakin-lievable!!!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Short day very tired very busy at work. Looooong day tomorrow and we will either be swamp with festival or very quiet. It's often the busy.
Just avoid, h I went to a funeral went and stood by myself. I did not approach or pursit as h expected, first time in about 4 months at that time. Did I feel anything?
Yeap, relief, strength, elation totally hard to describe. Which came from seeing how h was still stressed out in one if his moods and knowing I did not have to deal with h or his crazee family. Which they all acted nuttso.
he was very uncomfortable edgy and not at all happy for a man with his new soul mate of only 7 months. I would as you are nc which I was above just not approach if he does great talk keep short.
As per sandis rules, otherwise if he texts and says you didn't say hello?
Pretend not to know he's there perhaps. Might be best option. It might feel cold, but as you don't know who he's with or how this accident occurred best try to fly under radar.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Ugh...back home after "GAL". The G&T is poured and I'm balling on my balcony.
I'm not quite sure where this emotion is coming from. Nothing has changed. So I saw him at a concert. No big deal. So why do I feel the worst I have felt in a long while? Maybe it's the idea that he was there with someone? Or the fact that this is the kind of thing we would have done together? I feel anger at him tonight and I don't usually feel that.
Gg - I didn't approach, but I didn't hide either. Actually I instinctively moved into view so he could see me. My eyes did follow when he left but I saw nothing. It almost felt like a cruel joke. Like the explanation I've been looking for was there, but I didn't get to read it before it was taken down. I was waiting for his face to pop up on the screen just to really rub it in.
I believe there is zero chance that that he would text me or call me out on not talking to him. We're just not interacting like that. I bet he's just hoping I didn't see him. It honestly feels like the song - now he's just somebody that I used to know.
Tonight I have no hope.
1:25000 odds. Why did I have beat those?
PS I know you all deal with this regularly so I'm sorry for dumping this here. It's really not a big deal. It just makes me feel like shite tonite. It know it will pass.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
