The anti-versary and other musings

[Train]

Starsky,

I am so, so, so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. I absolutely cannot IMAGINE how beat-up your poor W is feeling with all the family issues going on; I'm sure you are exhausted, too. Prayers for peace and comfort - and (eventual) understanding - for all of you. Keep us updated on FIL. Big, big hugs.

Thank y'all for commiserating with me a little through this little, (probably insignificant) hiccup.

How you 'feel' is sometimes short term. Hopefully this confusion is part of that. Remember, it's a marathon.

Thank you for this reminder, MCS. I think you're right. And yes, Starsky, the double-whammy - 8 years apart - has done me NO favors, for sure. I guess I was "lucky" that BD1 happened nowhere close to our anniversary. That throws a whole new monkey-wrench in things, I'm learning. Good news is: I talked with H about half of my "issue" the other day (the half that involves V-Day things being a trigger), and he's being super-understanding about it.

I've just become such a cry-baby lately. We went out to dinner on NYE, and I was like a freakin' leaky faucet. And for no real reason. He just sits there and rubs my back and asks if I'm okay. I know he feels so helpless. Heck, *I* feel helpless when I don't even know half the time WHY I turn into the leaky faucet. Thankfully, it's happening less frequently these days.

I think I'll survive.

Thinking of you, Starsky. And thank y'all, again, for your support.

[Train]

Calling Starsky!

I wrote this on nit's thread after seeing your post about FIL's passing. But in case you eyeball this first, I just wanted to try to connect with you ASAP to say:

(((((Hugs)))))). Big, ginormous ones from this heart that is hurting for you. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your precious family. The timing absolutely blows. I will be praying for peace for your W ... and for God to give YOU the strength you need to not only grieve the loss of someone you love but to be able to (simultaneously and once again) be an unmovable pillar of strength for W.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

[Starsky309]

Thanks, my dear sweet Train. Really hurting here tonite but also thankful that my FIL is no longer in the anguish of dementia. Have you ever looked for DB or Not DB on FB? A bunch of us are over there.

[Train]

I'm going to hunt you down and find you! Are those two separate pages??

[Train]

Tell me what to search to find it. I'm not finding anything except official pages. Eek!

[Train]

(I found and "liked" the official DB page. *Thinking* I'm picking up what you're throwing down about Not DB page ... but there are several to choose from. Not sure if I should be looking for pages or groups. I'm lost. I'm ALWAYS lost ... but I wanna be FOUND! I wanna find y'all!!)

[Starsky309]

It's a group: DB or Not DB.

[Ggrass]

I dint get it either.
Not sure what is meant otherwise I would join.

[Train]

Poo. Still not finding it. Could be that it's a secret group that requires an invitation to join. That would make sense.

[Nitty]

I feel like I could've written what you have, Train. In fact, I'm wondering if my next thread belongs in piecing, and then I noticed that you posted this in the Infidelity forum rather than the piecing forum and wonder if you are having the same hesitation I am: maybe you're not really piecing (because you in your heart are not sure that you yourself are committed to piecing?)

I am presuming a lot, I know.

I, too am struggling with the loss of innocence, the lack of willingness to act publicly the way I used to act.

I don't post the "my hubster is the greatest because" posts on FB anymore either for the same reasons (well, also because he hasn't moved back in yet, but still.) My H is trying, at least I believe he is and so does our MC. And yet...

And yet.

As the anti-anniversaries continue to slide by (now approaching "The Day He Moved Out To Be With OW And He Was Lying About It, Too"), I wake up every morning determined to keep the commitment I made almost 30 years ago, but also wondering if I am keeping a commitment to myself to do what is right for ME, rather than for US.

Can't find the group either, I've enabled PMs, hoping someone will PM it to me.