I went over today to get the camper - got there around 1015 or so. She had been baby sitting her grandkids so I got a chance to see them again. While we were sitting on the front porch waiting on her Son to come and get the kids I asked her if when her kids were growing up if they ever did anything to make her very angry with them and she said of course. I then asked her if because she got angry if she stopped loving her kids. And she said of course not. I then said that last Sunday I was angry with her and hurt by what she had done but that that did not mean that I stopped loving her. She did not respond and the conversation drifted to other things. By the time son came to pick up kids she had said that she had planned a lot of things to do today. She had said that she wanted to go get a day bed so when her son came an picked up the G kids I suggested that we go over and she can show me where the Counselor’s office was and we could get a bite and then look at some daybeds and she said she would like that.
We went over towards the Counselor’s office and I asked if she wanted to eat first then see the office and she suggested that we go by the office first then eat. (It seemed that she was anxious for me to know where the office was.)
We then ate at a Chinese Buffet then went to a bed store near by and looked at day beds - she quickly changed her interest to Futons and actually bought one. I had a futon at my place but needed a good mattress for it so I bought a mattress for mine too and we arranged for all of it to be delivered to her place and I would pick up the mattress later from her.
We then headed home and while we were chitchatting she asked me if she went away for a weekend if I wanted to keep the Chihuahua or if I would prefer for her to let Sis keep him. I said I would love to keep puppy when ever she wanted. I then noticed that she had a funny look on her face and I asked her why she asked me that. She said that some weekends she might be going away with OG. That did not set too well with me. After driving for a few miles without talking I asked her what she wanted of me. I said that she had to know how I felt about her that she knew my goal and asked her what she thought I would feel by her asking me that.
When got back to her place I asked her if there was any hope for us and she said at the present time, no. I ended up getting VERY MAD. I told her that I would get the camper out of her way and that I would get anything else out of her house that was mine and that... and that... and that. All the while I would slam a door or throw the keys down and such as I was hooking up the camper. I told her that she was the one that had the affair when she had told me once that she could never see ANY reason for any have an affair on their spouse. and that I had not done anything wrong That I would forgive her if she wanted to work on our R but that it was obvious that she did not want to give up OG. Etc. etc. etc.
After I moved the camper out of the driveway and to the street ( I had to get it on level ground to finish the hookup) I moved it to the curb in front of her house and went back and asked if we could talk more. And she invited me back in and we talked some more. She said from the very beginning she said that all she wanted was friendship and that she felt that it was getting more and she felt she had to back down some. I said that if she wanted to be friends then she should at least act like a friend but that lately she seemed to be avoiding me and not wanting me to touch her or kiss her. From the gist of the conversation I gathered that she felt that I would never forgive her for the Affair and would always hold it over her head. I told her that I felt that couples can work through an affair and that I would forgive her if she really wanted forgiveness but that really wanting forgiveness would mean wanting to work on R. Asking me for forgiveness for the Affair and continuing to go out w/ OG was not asking for forgiveness but rather asking me to excuse her behavior.
We talked some more but she said while she really wanted the friendship to work she felt that it just kept hurting me over and over again and that we should go our separate ways. Before we left however she said that her mind was really in a whirlwind and she could not think now and that we should just think about things for a few days and talk later. I stood up to leave and then asked her if before I left, I could get a hug. She stood up and gave me a really big tight hug and we held it for awhile. After some time while her hands were still behind my neck she looked at me and gave me a little kiss. We then hugged again real tight. I then said to her “just remember one thing.” She asked what. And I said “I really give a mean foot massage.” I then let go as I heard her give a little chuckle, but as I turned to leave I saw her lips start to quiver as she held back some tears. By this time I had turned away. I did not look back but walked out the door. Again without looking back and to the car and drove off.
When I got home after taking the camper to a storage lot, I gave her a call to let her know that I got the camper put up and got home safely but she did not answer. I left a nice voice mail to that effect and said have a good night and hung up.
OK - folks - Is it over? - did I blow it? What do I do now? I guess I will still se the Counselor on Tuesday night but my gut feeling is to go totally dark for the next few days and wait on her.
Guess my morning positives will be offline for some time.
