ODGA, I really want to thank you for helping me out this past week. I really needed it. I am really optimistic for your own situation and there is no point in telling you about patience, bla bla bla.
That plane ride sounds so awesome. I had a similiar situation this past weekend when I had my problems while snowboarding. When I got to the top of the hill, I just sat for a while and took deep breaths while checking out the view. Its nice to have these moments where we can relax and forget about our problems for a few minutes.
Best of luck to you and you will be in my prayers.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
At least she is going to see a C. Wanting you to join her is great. Keep doing what makes you happy, you will flow happiness and love out of you, but you know that.
Only IM yesterday was a very brief one in which I reminded her about my payroll checks this weekend and I also said that I wanted to talk with her about my new secretary (she did not come in to work for 2 days and only called mid day on the 2nd day) I told C I value her opinion on how to handle her.
Since no other contact I looked back at some of my post. I noticed that my first trip w/ C to the zoo was right at 2 months ago. (seems like forever ago) I saw that on the way home we stopped by Walmart to pick up some things and walking through the store we found a little flower pot with two plastic bears in it and painted on the side was "bear with me, I love you" Since "Bear with me" was a favorate phrase for us I bought the little pot and when we got home she put it in the kintchen Window sill behind the sink. I remember on Tuesday when we had dinner that I saw it still there. along with the "I love you, Darling" lable on top of the coffee maker and the Bed and Breakfast Tea bag by the coffee maker. All of these items are items that remind her of me and have not been put out of sight
I think that sometimes I look for the recient positives and new positives and forget to look at the continuing positives. The Continuing positives may meen more that the little day to day positives.
another thing I just remembered. Back when C and I were married, I liked to listen to talk radio alot and ended up getting the XM Radio satalite system for my car. C did not like to listen to the news or talk radio but would rather listen to country music. Lately we have both gone to easy listning music. While in the Car Tuesday going to (or coming from) dinner she noticed the XM was on an easy listening station that she really liked and she aske me if I listen to that station all the time or just when she is in the car. I told her it stays on that chanel almost all the time. She told me that the other morning she forced herself to listen to the news for about 15 minutes to see what was going on in the world. (just FYI)
Quote: I think that sometimes I look for the recient positives and new positives and forget to look at the continuing positives. The Continuing positives may mean more that the little day to day positives.
Now that made lights flash! You right, we should look at those kind of signs instead of the dailey rollercoaster our S's are on! I loved this coment you made and little things you noticed.
I ONLY see my H on our property, except for the one time we went golfing. I don't know what his room looks like that he sleeps in. I have been in his truck.
In the beginning his truck was spotless, not like my H as he is a slob, LOL. So that caught my attention. But, back in Oct. when H was reconnecting his truck began to look like a disaster. Funny, this made me extremely happy! Why? because I knew he was his old self.
Good job, opening your eyes. Like I keep telling you~ patience and time.
Hang in there; lots of good signs if you open your eyes!
I think that I'm seeing some results, we will see what H does about the counter-file. If he doesn't do anything than I think the letter had a HUGH impact!
Let's say I have not seen anything negative happening since the "letter"
Deb - glad it had a good result - I did not give C her letter - I felt that it might be pushing it if I did so I just held onto it for now. I had a major negitive today - things kinda came to a head and I do not know how things will come out for now but it does not look good right now.
I went over today to get the camper - got there around 1015 or so. She had been baby sitting her grandkids so I got a chance to see them again. While we were sitting on the front porch waiting on her Son to come and get the kids I asked her if when her kids were growing up if they ever did anything to make her very angry with them and she said of course. I then asked her if because she got angry if she stopped loving her kids. And she said of course not. I then said that last Sunday I was angry with her and hurt by what she had done but that that did not mean that I stopped loving her. She did not respond and the conversation drifted to other things. By the time son came to pick up kids she had said that she had planned a lot of things to do today. She had said that she wanted to go get a day bed so when her son came an picked up the G kids I suggested that we go over and she can show me where the Counselor’s office was and we could get a bite and then look at some daybeds and she said she would like that.
We went over towards the Counselor’s office and I asked if she wanted to eat first then see the office and she suggested that we go by the office first then eat. (It seemed that she was anxious for me to know where the office was.)
We then ate at a Chinese Buffet then went to a bed store near by and looked at day beds - she quickly changed her interest to Futons and actually bought one. I had a futon at my place but needed a good mattress for it so I bought a mattress for mine too and we arranged for all of it to be delivered to her place and I would pick up the mattress later from her.
We then headed home and while we were chitchatting she asked me if she went away for a weekend if I wanted to keep the Chihuahua or if I would prefer for her to let Sis keep him. I said I would love to keep puppy when ever she wanted. I then noticed that she had a funny look on her face and I asked her why she asked me that. She said that some weekends she might be going away with OG. That did not set too well with me. After driving for a few miles without talking I asked her what she wanted of me. I said that she had to know how I felt about her that she knew my goal and asked her what she thought I would feel by her asking me that.
When got back to her place I asked her if there was any hope for us and she said at the present time, no. I ended up getting VERY MAD. I told her that I would get the camper out of her way and that I would get anything else out of her house that was mine and that... and that... and that. All the while I would slam a door or throw the keys down and such as I was hooking up the camper. I told her that she was the one that had the affair when she had told me once that she could never see ANY reason for any have an affair on their spouse. and that I had not done anything wrong That I would forgive her if she wanted to work on our R but that it was obvious that she did not want to give up OG. Etc. etc. etc.
After I moved the camper out of the driveway and to the street ( I had to get it on level ground to finish the hookup) I moved it to the curb in front of her house and went back and asked if we could talk more. And she invited me back in and we talked some more. She said from the very beginning she said that all she wanted was friendship and that she felt that it was getting more and she felt she had to back down some. I said that if she wanted to be friends then she should at least act like a friend but that lately she seemed to be avoiding me and not wanting me to touch her or kiss her. From the gist of the conversation I gathered that she felt that I would never forgive her for the Affair and would always hold it over her head. I told her that I felt that couples can work through an affair and that I would forgive her if she really wanted forgiveness but that really wanting forgiveness would mean wanting to work on R. Asking me for forgiveness for the Affair and continuing to go out w/ OG was not asking for forgiveness but rather asking me to excuse her behavior.
We talked some more but she said while she really wanted the friendship to work she felt that it just kept hurting me over and over again and that we should go our separate ways. Before we left however she said that her mind was really in a whirlwind and she could not think now and that we should just think about things for a few days and talk later. I stood up to leave and then asked her if before I left, I could get a hug. She stood up and gave me a really big tight hug and we held it for awhile. After some time while her hands were still behind my neck she looked at me and gave me a little kiss. We then hugged again real tight. I then said to her “just remember one thing.” She asked what. And I said “I really give a mean foot massage.” I then let go as I heard her give a little chuckle, but as I turned to leave I saw her lips start to quiver as she held back some tears. By this time I had turned away. I did not look back but walked out the door. Again without looking back and to the car and drove off.
When I got home after taking the camper to a storage lot, I gave her a call to let her know that I got the camper put up and got home safely but she did not answer. I left a nice voice mail to that effect and said have a good night and hung up.
OK - folks - Is it over? - did I blow it? What do I do now? I guess I will still se the Counselor on Tuesday night but my gut feeling is to go totally dark for the next few days and wait on her.
Guess my morning positives will be offline for some time.
No, you didn't blow it. I think your situation is very difficult for you because you had SO MANY positives early on, great conversations, great sex, lots of reconnecting, then finding out about OG, and her really stepping back. Unfortunately, you are now where so many of us are, back in limbo...
I think maybe you really need to back off and go dim, not be so available to her. I find it so difficult to talk to them, etc. when they are like this. She is still in such alien mode, you cannot listen to anything she says. Now that you have shown her how you feel, I would not be angry around her anymore... Vernetta told me when they say something hurtful to you, and you don't want to respond, either agree to stop the conversation, or say I'll have to think about that.
Hang in there odga. Unfortunately, I know exactly how you feel. Time to take care of you right now. Let your sitch go for now...
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
PMA is back up a bit - just finished talking with SIL. Did not talk much about C but that I can not count on C to see the kids - so I asked if I could see them from time to time on my own. SIL said it would be great and let me talke to Neice for a few minutes. SIL even chit chatted for a few minutes.
Today when DIL came over to pick up Grandkids I also asked her to see the kids on my own too and she said that would be great.
