Strong EA after 2 years of marriage. Need advice.

[Complex]

After being through half the book almost and also part of Chapter 10 there is a big question/reflection arising:

TIME LINE OF S:
Me and my wife went on a trial separation after BD (as suggested from her), it didn't last long, I begged etc. and she gave our marriage a 'chance' which wasn't really one because we did NOT AT ALL actively work on our marriage. She just tried to get her feelings sorted out with OM apparently.
She dropped contact to OM but her feelings didn't seem to go away. All supported by D friend.

I pushed her further away by not applying DB techniques, making mistakes, being still completely dependent from her.
Back then tho she had a decent amount of affection for me, I could tell. She was in the limbo.

Then we decided to call it quits, I agreed because I had more knowledge and knew I had to let it go. That opened the door for OM feelings. They started flirting, standard script, even talking about her marriage and me. As if she was just waiting for it.

I come back from vacation with a whole different attitude, being away helped a lot. Her EA very strong by then but I found out, it blew up. Now I am in the limbo^^


If I look at it I get why she turned more and more away from me although I did give her the space and I wasn't overly begging or so. I wasn't overly smart about everything but not terrible either.
NOW that I know OM was involved all along my WHOLE SIGHT changed.
ALL her actions make sense now. But I came to the understanding there was basically NOTHING I could've done, because I plainly didn't know how much OM was in the picture.

Quote WIFE:

If you love someone, let them go, if they don't come back they were never yours. If they do they can be happily ever after

How can I even believe ANYTHING she said along the S process???
What is W's thought process of doing what's she is doing and what she has done? It must be pure guilt!?

First DR made so much sense. No I am more confused than ever. I think I really need specific advice on my case and get some counseling. I wish I could afford to get some sessions with Michelle, she seems to be awesome