Thank you for the great advice, bdub! I am avoiding meeting with my H in person, and trying to conduct most communication with him through email. However, last night I could tell he was getting defensive/afraid about my move and the idea of D14 coming with me for school. When he is defensive he lashes out and is angry and nasty, so I wanted to calm him down and realize that I am not trying to threaten him, I am just trying to figure out what's in D14's best interest. My H also lies about so much these days, it's difficult to trust. Luckily, at this point I really don't care how much it costs, I just want out. And quickly. If he starts dragging his feet with the dissolution, I'll just convert it to divorce to get the ball rolling. I've been super patient and compassionate these past seven months, but now I have to move on.
Please keep me posted on how you're doing with the dissolution process. By "sessions" do you mean mediation negotiations with the lawyers or just conversations between the two of you?
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
By sessions I mean conversations between the 2 of us. While she was still at home we spent half an hour every other night figuring it out. We wrote it all down and had EVERYTHING in place. Since she moved out she has changed or tried to change several things. Most have been trivial so I give in. A few have been worth fighting for and I have. If we sign what she has in her hand now I will still get the financial settlement I want, 50-50 time with the boys, very little CS (she makes more than I do), and the boys will finish school in this school district. The last one is SUPER important because the boys have all their friends here, it protects my 50-50 split, and this immediate area is all they have ever known.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
That sounds like a great settlement, bdub. I hope my H will recognize that my proposal is generous and that, although I need to move back to my home state for my job and family support, that I want him to have as much time with our daughter as possible, and keep that connection strong. But I'm fearful that I might have to convert to divorce, since he seems to be resisting the move.
I definitely don't want to waste time with one-one-one sessions with my H. I'd rather just work through the lawyers because he messes with my brain too much. I think it will help us stay amicable in the long run if we don't try to hash it out unsupervised by legal guidance.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
If he messes with your head and you can't think clearly around him, use the attorneys. It must be tough to have to pack up and move away. I am blessed that I do not have that issue in my sitch.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Just sat down with WAW and signed the dissolution papers. She also signed the deed transferring the farm into a trust for the boys. I am not allowing this to effect me right now as I am at work for a few more minutes. But when I leave I am sure I will feel the relief and the grief. I have a basketball game and then I will have 4 11 year old boys for the night so I will not really be able to sit with it and work through it for a while. I hope I get a chance to work through it before the boys leave on Sunday so that emotion does not get thrown on top the pile. It has been a long twisting road.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
It has been a while since I have checked in and that is a good thing. I took the boys to the Florida Georgia Line concert and S11 was totally amazed and took it all in. S13 was unimpressed and bored halfway through the show. The next night S11 had 3 friends over to celebrate his birthday and They had a blast. It cost me 3 pounds of bacon, a dozen eggs, an entire bag of hashbrowns, 2 pizzas, a bag of pretzel M&Ms, a small bag of jolly ranchers and a bag of Doritos but it was a night they will all remember. Those memories mean 1000 times more than any gift I could have bought him.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
