Today is the first day her and I spoke for three days. I keep a joint account where I can transfer money to help with the kids, if I am out of town for work. I only keep about $40 in it at any given time. Today, I noticed the balance had dropped to $11 because of an insufficient funds charge. I called and asked. She said that she attempted to make a purchase on ebay and chose the wrong account on PayPal. This is the first time this happened, so I did not take money from her to pay for the charge but I did ask for not let it happen again and to cancel the card off PayPal. She text me that she couldn't cancel the transaction and asked me to cover it by transferring money to the account and she will pay me back. I couldn't properly read the text because my cell at times has a mind of its own, so I misread it. I texted back to ask her to call PayPal and asked why cant you transfer money from your account to joint account? She text back I am asking you to pay for it and I will give you the money. She text right after that I'll just figure it out, never mind. I text back that I couldn't read your text and I informed her I could not for my funds are in another bank and it will take 1 to 2 business days for the transfer.
I didn't trust that she would call and I know PayPal will attempt to charge me again. So,I called the bank and was able to cover it. I called her back and she immediately informed me this was her only day off and that she was trying to study. I told her I am just trying to make sure I don't want to incur any more charges and inform you I took care of it and wanted to schedule when we can meet so she can give me the money. There no physical branches in our town, wire transfers are the only way to deposit money in that account.
After this interaction, I felt strange. 1) I am questioning that she made a mistake using PayPal. I think that she hoped it would clear. If it was a mistake, Why didn't she call me to warn me?
2) I felt like I was too nice when it came to her offering to pay for my ins.funds charge. (Did she offer out of guilt for trying to purchase something on the joint account?)The fee is insignificant to me and I dont take money from someone for such an amount. However,I still love her and I have to fight the urge to be a H sometimes when she clearly does not treat me as such.
3)From her tone, it felt like she was bothered by my attempts (by informing me that she was attempting to study) to avoid another charge when I called to schedule her repaying me and it bothered me. I was calm and just wanted to take care of it. I shouldn't let her dictate how I feel. It's hard sometimes to do that when you love someone.
4) Overall, I felt like she was testing the waters. The last conversation we had was about filing for D and I don't think my reaction to D was what she expected. She made it seem she was filling out the paperwork while we were exchanging texts and ask me for my address but the petition does not ask for your spouses address at anytime until you are ready to serve your spouse. Since she is asking to pay for half the filing cost, I am assuming she did not file yet and/or she was bluffing. At this point, I am indifferent. Its not what I want but, I keep doing what works.
5) I don't call her unless I need to like today. I completely understand the attitude of WAW and when they give you the ILYBNILWY speech. Personally, I feel if she thinks she can do better. Go right ahead. The ones in her circle have tried to date me after I moved out and they are the ones giving her advice.
6) I have read so many books, articles and watched videos on marriage, divorce and reconciliation since the ILYBNILWY speech. I have no confirmation on OM. I only have suspicions. If he is the person she wants, I am indifferent if I want to stop her or not. The issues she has expressed we had in our M will not be issues she will avoid by D. She needs to mature and so do I. I hoped that we could have did it together.
I don't know where emotionally I am right now, but I feel angry for her giving up. But, I have forgiven her. I feel happy that I may have the opportunity to start over again with someone new and I can use what I've learned to make someone else happy. I am sad for my family is broken. I am sad that D might actually happen even though I am fighting to stop it. Just needed to vent. Thanks guys.
Me:28 W:24 M:4 years S5 Step son 5, S2 Separated: 07/01/14 DB:01/09/15 Possible OM, not sure
Last edited by hjoseph; 01/14/1509:20 PM.
Me:28 W:24 M:4 years S5, SS5, S2 Separated: 07/01/14 Asked for D 1/09/15
