pain meds, depression, separation turning bad

[Zelda09]

To contact or not to contact in coming weeks? I am talking myself in circles.

Had a realization today that despite this good contact we just had all weekend, part of my 180 needs to be not trying to steer him or convince him in any way. This is part of what he is trying to get away from (and me at my most predictable.) My 180 needs to be to let go and let him make his own choices without trying to be influencing. We had plenty of good contact in days before he left town, and he still left town to go focus on himself.

Here's the other side I'm getting itchy over -

I've been emotionally the distancer in our R. But pursuing since he gave up and started S. So the 180S are complicated in that way.

I've been wanting to reach out to him to even text something simple like, Thinking of you, hope xyz is going well' to keep some connection and show interest in his life - which is a thing I am working on. But I think he will just see it as me trying to push him or intrude on his space.

"His sign off at the airport was, we'll talk soon." I can't believe 3 days feels like so long. I initiated the trip. He should initiate the next contact if there is to be any, or is that more of the same from me emotionally, or a 180 from my style in the last several weeks?

On top of just not being sure what to do, I fear the NC days we've had just have proven to leave him colder in the last several weeks. This is the fear that leaves me wanting to contact him despite the space I know he wants. I keep trying to tell myself that my fear is making me still try to control the sitch and his feelings, that I really shouldn't be focused or caring on whether he wants to keep up the closeness we experienced. Ball is in his court.

Help.

Wait two weeks for when he comes back into town, let him initiate any contact? Along lines of LRT.

OR

Continue the 180 from being emotional distancer in R, maybe by phone, since text and email goes poorly?

What is the real change I need to focus on?