We just had a talk. She kinda started it. I don't know if I messed up a bit. Her best friend (divorced) saw me on tinder and my W confronted me with it, saying its a double standard. I didn't even really use it, just wanted to mess around.
We somehow ended up talking about our marriage. She assured me OM is not the reason why she is leaving, but we all know better it played a big roll. She clearly stated she wants this to be a friendly divorce and be my friend even if I don't want to...same old. I told her things went very wrong, I agreed on we got married to fast. I also said a lot was my fault, that I completely lost myself and wasn't myself anymore. . But then I probably made a mistake telling her that S are always the same and never friendly, even if people tell each other they won't leave the other person out of the blue, that's just how it is. And also that people in marriages have high expectations, that people expect that a marriage is actively worked on if things go wrong. If they don't there will always be bitterness left behind. She agreed and seemed to really get it and didn't say anything for half a minute and cried. I told her it's fine and that I'm moving on.
But I guess it was a mistake. In the end it'll just confirm her leaving is ok. I regret the discussion. I seemed nervous too, couldn't find words in the end..she probably doesn't believe me. Man I screwed up ://// bad start in the day. I am hanging on to her way too much still. When she's around I get nervous. I love her like crazy still. I need to detach more big time. This is going to be harder than I ever thought. I don't know how to really get over myself. Huge throwback
Wonder if when I start 'dating' or at least play mysterious that it will make her justify getting closer to OM!?
Sometimes in relationships you have to "pull back" and allow them to pursue. A guy had a problem with his wife, and he was always having to engage her and over time her interest declined.... She felt like he was always "taking" something. So he pulls back, does not beg, ask, initiate, grovel, etc. Does his own thing, and she comes to him.
Just pull back, you probably are done here, but you have to pull back into yourself anyway. You see how you got her interest with your tinder account? Some of that stuff works.
Just have fun with your life. Take care of yourself.
