Odga, I am very happy that she is still peeking out of the cave and showing some small signs. You must be scared but those small signs must be very comforting. I know something major happened a few weeks ago with your relationship that made you feel all was lost, well something just happened to me this weekend and I am scared. I dont want to hi-jack your post but I would appreciate it if I can get some insight from you. Thanks!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
just got back from Dinner date - When I got to her house she was still working on a client file that needed to be done and taken to client before 6am tomorrow. I waited for her to finish (she was going to set it asisde and go but I told her to go ahead and finish as business before pleasure)
we went to dinner and we chit chatted for a few. Almost out of the blue she asked me if I was going to go to a specialtist about my Testostearone problem. We talked about that some and I assured her that I would get that fixed. She said she talked about that with Sis (the nurse) and she said it could be just something minor. I also told her that right after starting the AD's I kinda stopped using my supplements for about a week and that was just before the Dr. appt. I had forgotten that.
She also brought up about Sunday and wanted to know if she had done something to make me angry. I told her that with me sitting on the porch swing and her sitting on the steps like we were sitting when she dropped the bomb and for the first time I just got angry with her. Then told her that when we left the porch I started to mellow down some - I then said that I should not have gotten angry and I was sorry. She said that if I had told my counselor that she would likely say that that was normal and to not beat myself up over it. After dinner we went to the car and she thanked me for dinner and I bent over and kissed her but she kinda held her lips tight and did not return the kiss.
As we were driving home she mentioned that she had talked with her counselor about me going to her too. She told me her counselor's hours and that the C would have no problem seeing me too but that she would not discuss either of us with the other. I said that I would not expect her to.
When we got home she gave me some papers I needed to take home and then said that I had better get home. She seemed very supprised as she gave her head a little shake but did not ask me to stay. She did step over to me and give me a hug and really went into a good tight hug. After a little I gave her a kiss and it started to get kinda good but she broke off the kiss and went back to a hug. I held the hug for a while and then said I had better go. As I was leaving she again asked me to give her a call when I got home. She also thanked me again for dinner and I said that next time she needed to come over my way as she has not been at my apartment in a while. she said that that is what she was thinking.
When I got home I gave her a call - told her that I rally thought she looked good with her wedge heels and beige slacks and black blouse. She said she had to match my black shirt. Said it did not look like johhny Cash and that she liked it. We ended on a plesant note.
Will plan to chit chat on next few contacts before another date. Give her a chance to aske me.
All in all - I feel that the positives outweighed the negitives, but that negitive of not kissing me may be a biggie.
1. had a date w/ C last night 2. got some good hugs 3. she initiated talk about me going to a specialtist for Testosterone problem. 4. she initiated talk about me going to her counselor 5. When we talked about me being angry and mad on Sunday she said that she had gone through that too. (past tense? is she over being mad and angry?) 6. She talked w/ Sis about my Test problem to get suggestions 7. She talked w/ Sis about me keeping kids on occasions 8. door open for future dinner dates even at my apt. 9. she aske me to call her when I got home last nite again 10. I had mentioned once that I was going to go camping w/ the camper and she aske if it was this weekend or next. 11 She looked nice for dinner and wore some shoes that she knows I like. 12 - she was using the photo frames I got her on Sunday to hold two photos on the Ref. door
Negative - she did not seem to want to kiss
more Positives than negatives but the one negative is a biggie.
the end of November C emptied one of her dresser drawers and put some of my underware and socks and a few other things there for me when I came over. although I have not stayed over or ML since end of Jan. and last Sunday she did give me some of my clothes that I left there the night of the Hot Tub event, she did not give me the stuff out of that drawer or said anything about it. and with her being concerned about my low Testosterone and that I should go to spec. maybe she does have plans.
ODGA, I think the positives are just awesome and I know you cant help but want more, but give the kiss time. I have a feeling it will come. You two are really making good progress again and seem to be coming closer once again. I pray that this time it will stick and you will get your kiss and much more.
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
I think it is not just the fence sitting, but the DAMN splinters. You look as if you and W are making tremendous progress. I will not repeat the patience mantra.
it's not me that is sitting on the fence - it is her - I don't know why I am starting to feel so angry towards her. I still want the R to work and want her back but I am feeling really angry about what she did to our R
I guess I am venting here rather than sending her an IM.
She did say last night that she would not mind it if I moved the camper out of her driveway - so I did send an IM earlier that I had found a place to move it and would be moving it within the next few days. She said I could wait till I was going to go camping in a couple of weeks but I said I might as well go ahead and move it.
ODGA, You are not alone, trust me! I am angry myself, but still in love and want to make things work. It just kills me how they can be so nice to us then change and keep going back and forth. I guess it is just proof that they are not in their right frame of mind and if we can help them through this, its going to be worth it. It has to be. Lets be strong together!
Anything worth having is worth working HARD for!
Making a New Move
Thanks marc - I needed that. (and an anti anxiety pill I just took)
Also I just got a call from the Counselor she goes to and we set up an appointment for Tuesday @ 7pm - I hope she does not think that there is a conflict of interest.
