MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

She doesn't even know she is lying. She is just going to do whatever she has to - to clear the way for her to be with the OW. She is not thinking clearly.

That's what I'm thinking... Just amazing to observe all of the lying... But she's also being very sloppy because it's so easy for me to find out the truth. On one hand I wonder if she wants me to catch her in the lies (she's even talking to OW on the phone now around 9:00 p.m. when I could easily go downstairs and catch her int he act)... But on the other hand I think it's just that she is just not thinking clearly at all and she thinks she's covering her tracks, but isn't doing as good a job as she thinks.

What are your w issues with you? Has she told you? You should try to focus on your 180s

Until October -- nothing more than usual couple issues of occasional communication issues or need to rebalance what we both do in terms of chores/errands. Nothing deal-breaking -- and towards me and everyone around us she seemed very happy in our M. Everyone thought we were the perfect family. Now she says she's been unhappy for years, never really in love with me, and that I've never been able to really meet her needs (all nearly word-for-word from MLC script).

Yes -- I am focusing on my 180 and GAL. Also trying to maintain PMA -- but some days are harder than others.

Also why do you need to leave the house and not her, she is the one that wants the d?

She owns the majority interest in the house and is offering to buy me out. There is no way I can buy her out of her share... so... I'm the one who has to leave, even if I disagree with that on moral grounds (she wants out, she gave up -- not me)

Has she talked at all about the effect of this possible d on the kids?

She believes the kids will be fine. She believes very strongly that they will be better off with us in separate households than growing up in a lie and in a house where the parents don't really love each other. I know what a devastating impact this will have on the kids -- I'm already seeing some impact just from the stress. She can't see any of this right now -- She can't see or hear anything that contradicts what she wants to believe and feel right now. It's so odd... Earlier on I told her I disagreed with her belief on this and that I was sorry that she never/won't consider a third option of working towards rebuilding our R and teaching our kids what commitment means and how to really love someone even during the low points in the R/M. She didn't want to hear that -- just said "I can never fall in love with you again... blah, blah, blah... more MLC script"

I do know that most of this has nothing to do with me...

I will pray for you job wise and relationship wise.

Thank you! :-)

Kiss your beautiful children and count your blessings

I do that more than once a day -- trying hard to shower them with love and shield them from the stress I am feeling... Not always successful with shielding them from my stress (especially since W's depression and EA have resulted in me being the primary caregiver every day since late October - which is exhausting), but I am trying very hard to work on this.