I thought everything was okay.....(Part 3)

[MCS]

MCS..

It's coming across almost in my view as role reversal here..
She is trying to reassure you that "things will be all right honey"......

Holy Hanna.....THAT'S IT. Although, I think opposite of what you say. Knowing W, we are both really driven, independent people before our M. Once we got M, I could see us falling into slightly different roles, even though I always felt we were equals, she has said she didn't.

I've always been the emotional rock in the M. Other than now, I hardly ever get rattled, never lose control, difficult emotional sitch? MCS would handle. W would not go to funerals, because she said she didn't like the feeling of being there...I digress.

This has been confirmed by a few close friends to both of us on things they saw in our M.

Bold statements, I know....but its what she said at BD that I see is what the key is....

"MCS, I feel like I've always lived under your shadow"
"MCS, I feel like you're the boss and I'm the employee"

Even a friend said to me "MCS, W put you on a pedestal in everything you did"

Well, post BD, wallowing MCS thought about these and never figure out what she really meant.

Well, I can see in our M, I did have that role; W even admitted it to me when we were working the 'reconcile' weekend. This was the time she said she got 'caught' with internet chat stuff (about 14 months ago.) "MCS, when S5 had problems at daycare, I had to send you, because I couldn't handle it. Everything was collapsing around me I realized that I wasn't focused in the right area, the kids." (well that led into the affair, so I don't get the second part of that statement) (but looking back this was the one time she told me she was unhappy an unknown to me were all of these things that I had no clue about)

Well, now she has taken her stand on it and left the M. She wanted to 'free' herself from MCS.

THEN.....
I look at 'how' she's doing things and feel she's making emotionally unstable decisions and not thinking things through (WAW, 1 BR appt, House, etc.) ......which when I comment makes her feel that I'm trying to re-establish my former role, pushing her away. or just not dealing with things that are emotionally difficult at all (going through house, discussing kids, not seeing MCS at all)

THEN.....
I use the guise of the kids emotions as a scapegoat for my own emotional stability (not fully, but sure lets go with it) W sees this and is still comparing herself to MCS and now she's the emotionally stable one. Its what she wanted all along.


So, maybe that's what happened tonight. She got the opportunity to get control of the whole situation because of me freaking out. That's making her feel good about herself (and that's really what I want for her.) I know in order for her to be happy (in our M or not) she needs to grow and this is the first step.

I hate to say it, but the blow-up was a little premeditated on my part. Once I got into it, I couldn't stop it; but I made a stand that I was no longer going to just try to accommodate her every move.