Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD - pt. 2

[gogofo]

So I have been doing some reading, and introspection about myself on how I have changed from who I was 10 years ago that was so attractive until now.

Growing up I never was much of a ladies man. I had many women who liked me, but I never felt I was attracting women.

After college things changed. I started to attract women and I never knew why. I wasn't in good shape, 6'1" 220lbs, and was a greaser complete with my own crappy car and truck that I had to work on. But women liked my and I didn't know why. I figured it was because I dropped about 20 pounds and I looked better.

Now I know what it was. I was passionate and believed in myself and had a masculine, strong energy; not some fake bravado or over the top machismo, but I was just confident and believed in myself. I met my W during this time.

I just got a job that I wanted and was promised a future partnership if I got licensed. I was taking night classes and excited by learning. Had girls interested in me. I had never felt so confident in my life and the females took notice.

I have lost a lot of this, my passion for life and confidence that made me not only attractive but also feel good about myself. I was walking tall and exuded this energy and attracted an equally passionate women.

I know the passion in my life started to fade once I reached the goal of getting licensed and had no immediate work goals, my best fiend died in a tragic car accident, which was all about the same time I had my first child.

As a new parent I was scared and unsure about myself. My W was in active labor for 20 hours and almost needed a blood transfusion. I was emotionally exhausting. Tack on a colicy baby that I had to take care of at night when my W taught and who wouldn't eat. A second child whom was more difficult that the first. A job load and job title transition that was physically taxing and ate up loads of time. It all beat a lot of the passion out of me.

I want to regain this passion and confidence I had. I will admit I initially thought of this while thinking about what attracted my W to me, but I want to regain it for me. I am remembering the way I felt at those times and those first 4 to 5 years of our R and I want that me back. I deserve that me back, my kids deserve a father with that passion, and everyone around me deserves that passion.

Now to devise a plan and GAL activities to rebuild this. I am going to get that me back, just need to figure out how.

One of the places that I still has this passion, it has actually grown, is with food. I think I need to make some sausage again and feel that passion and excitement again. I did it last February and it is time to do it again.

I am feeling pretty strong right now, I want to keep this going. I need a mantra, never had one but I think I need one; I'm thinking something like "I am a passionate and confident man." Don't really know how mantras work, but I think this is a start.