Keep calm cool and collected, AT ALL COSTS. Do this, for two reasons. First, a negotiation that gets heated will never end well, and nothing will get settled. It will just add an extra layer of conflict, for the next encounter. Not to mention, you are also DBing, so you will want to keep the conflict down as much as possible. Light, friendly and fluffy. You can even do this when talking about finances, so do your best. Make SURE to use your validation skills, and really listen to what he has to say. Remember, validating doesn't necessarily mean agreeing. If there are things you are thinking, "no F'ing way", it might be better to say, "I will take that into consideration. I will need some time to process it fully. Let me get back to you on that". Use "I" sentences, rather than "You" sentences. "I do not like the financial burden I am in", rather than "you put this financial burden on me!", for example. It is also very important to keep any boundaries you need in place, and ultimately you have to keep your best interest in mind. DO NOT make any financial considerations, based on the hopes you will reconcile. The nuts and bolts of this negotiation is, battling for what you feel is fair for YOU. That is about the only advice I can give, Stacey. I blew mine over and over and over again. Mine usually ended in an argument with nothing being agreed upon, so be warned. It happens. Try to avoid it all costs. Showing that you can work through difficulties, fairly and without anger, is a great 180 for most of us. Remember, you are the wife only a fool would leave. Best of luck!
In regards to your GAL, I also enjoy those stay at home, "couples" activities you mention. I love nothing more than curling up on the couch with some takeout food and enjoying a movie with my partner. Here's the deal, I wasn't doing THAT, when I met my partner. I am sure you get where I am going here. You have to break outside of your comfort zone, or your life will remain in neutral, Stacey. Nobody is going to knock on your door and want to come read a book with you. You have to go meet people and DO things. That is how this whole process of "getting a life" starts. I have beat you with a pillow about this for a while. Don't make me break out the real 2x4's! Get your butt out there and GAL! No more excuses. I am still waiting for your list!
