Quick resume: BD around 6 months ago. Wife has feelings for someone who she almost dated, from work. I was crushed, cried and begged. She dropped contact. She tried to connect with me, didn't work at all obviously. In house separation. She is sure we shouldn't have gotten married, it was too fast. She was sincere but it didn't work out for her.
Are you sure that her rationalization hamster didn't come up with this, that you guys shouldn't have gotten married, because she fell in love with new guy? Perhaps rationalization hamster came up with this excuse to make things make sense.
Originally Posted By: Complex
Today: I found out she has a strong EA with him since a while. Not physical, read through over a month of text messages. She confessed she is in love with him. I'm crushed. I didn't go crazy on her, of course I was mad for lying and disrespecting me but I walked away from discussion to avoid sth I will regret later.
Good man. You can also use voice activated recorders hidden in the car. Usually when they are cheating they have support systems ( other people ) who know about it and enable their choices.
"In love" follows a couple of scripts just like affairs. Perhaps her guy has other women. Perhaps he is married. Perhaps he is a known player. This info could help you.
Originally Posted By: Complex
First question: What are the first steps, what should I do? Should I actually confront OM with it (and if so how?)???
This is up to you. I think before you confront OM you would obtain more information. I'm not even sure you confront him. Does he work in the same place or nearby to you? Do you know him? Does he know she is married?
One of the strategies in this situation is to find out information on the OM. If he is carrying on in the job site location or is married, you blow him up there.
One of our guys on another board had a successfully confrontation where he knocked the OM out. Wife tried to defend OM, and she got slapped. Our poster who did what all husbands want to do broke his hand and had to come out of pocket on some money for it. OM did not press charges.
Find out if the wife is carrying on in or around the house. If this is the case you need to either put her out if it is legal or get a restraining order on the OM so it cannot happen around the residence.
Learn where they are in their "fall in love" script. Depending on where they are the best thing you might do is to let him have her. A lot of OM's didn't sign up to support your wife, they just wanted the sex and company...
Affair partners get a lot more clarity about each other once the cheated on party hands in their cards and steps away from the table.
